*bleep*

me seeing a good friend, X, and the other not so good friend, Mr. Goody.

Me: hey, long time no see.. I miss you, bitch!!
Mr. Goody: omg! I can't BELIEVE you just said THAT!
Me: omg, I totally did it, didn't I? F*ck me, right??

err... I didn't actually say that...coz cursing is baad, horrible, terrible, awful, dreadful, painful, the biggest sin ever! and people who curse are criminals, lowlifers, hiphoppers, hiphoppers wannabe, gangsters wannabe, n00b gamers, wizards...errr...okayyy, thats getting old :P

anyways, I dont mind a couple of swear words. they're just some expressions of anger/frustration/negative feelings. like, mostly people wouldn't actually mean what they're cursing, they're just some words to show that they're upset. But, I do find people who curse all the time and out of context can be really fucking annoying...oops..remember, moderation is the key!

Can't Shan't Won't

I'm kinda getting sick and tired of people trying to tell me how I live my life.

"you should change this or that"
"you should get this or that"
"you should like this or that"
"you should hate this or that"
"you should be this or that"

I hate being forced. I know it when I feel it. Like someone trying to bend or shape something like a metal rod. It would feel contrived and constrained.

They think I was born yesterday.
They think they are above me.
They think they can control me.
They think they can create me.

Don't get me wrong, I can accept constructive criticism, and I keep open arms with improvising suggestions or thoughts. I like listening/trying new ideas, and explore, because that's how you expand your knowledge about anything, improving yourself physically, mentally, emotionally and fashionably! Yes, we all need guidance in life. No point being a stubborn and egoistical, but stuck in a rut!

I just don't like how some people want me to be somebody I'm not. Sometimes I admit I did lose myself once in a while, being what people expect me to be, not what I myself want to be. And that feeling sucks! And I reel back the real me up to the surface before I totally lost it. Like, oh honey, I know what I want already, and I'm gonna get it with or without your help! So, beat it!

Nothing to Lose??

Because sometimes I do think about, what if I care about nothing in the world, living life as it is, no responsibilities, no boundaries, no rules, no bossy bosses, like there's nothing to lose in life.


It sounds free and fun! Like I can do ANYTHING I want, and I wouldn't care less. Unstoppable.



But, unfortunately, life doesn't work that way, honey. The more at stake, the higher the price are. No pain, no gain, labour has a bitter root, but a sweet taste, etc etc. 
and I dont wanna live an empty life. I dont wanna be them. ever!

Its the pain of getting what you want, defending your honour and that makes it all worth while
Having a victory for whats worth fighting for
When we learn how to be strong, sometimes in the hard way
The pride when we know how strong we really are.


So yeah, I absolutely have something to lose in life. I'm gonna fight for it. I will lose some and win some. I hope all of this will make me a better, stronger me!


It's good to be scared. It means you still have something to lose. - Richard Weber, Grey's Anatomy

Etiquettology of borrowing

I would like to believe that common courtesy is the primary rule of harmonious living.
I would like to believe that it still exists.

I am very particular about my stuff, my belongings. I'd like to be owning them with happiness inside my personal space.
Therefore, I really, REALLY hate it! when people borrow aka use my stuff without my permission. You'd think "eh, logically speaking, they should ask before they borrow something"
But yeah, logic doesnt really co-exist all the time with the thing named human.

Like,
I hated it when my sisters borrow my clothes
I hated it when my housemate used my bedroom to sleep in when her family came
I hated it when I wanted to wear some shoes, then, oh, somebody borrowed it
I hated it when people use my car.
without asking me first.

I'm so sorry, I love you guys to bits, but this is really my pet peeve, and its really annoying. But I find it hard to tell logically thinking people, "hey, I found out you worn my shirt the other day. why didnt you ask first?". and when my housemate told me "hey, I used your room to sleep in the other day, because my family came and they slept in my bedroom. and thank god, you forgot to lock your door, or I couldnt have taken advantage of your forgettery stupid brain" oh well, she didnt really say that, but really, I felt like I have been used like a nobody without any respect. and I really hate conflicts..and sometimes I just let it be but my heart was raging with wrath.

Its not like I'm possessive or stingy with my belongings. I dont mind lending my clothes, my room, my shoes, my car to someone, but, like, HELLO, its COMMON COURTESY to ASK FIRST! I'd love to think that, once I own something, I would have the luxury to use it whenever I want, without figuring out that I cant use it because someone has used it without telling me first. and most important and the biggest deal of all, its a sign of RESPECT towards me. respect that you acknowledged me as the owner, respect that you know I'll be nice enough to let you use my things, respect towards anything I own, that I have put my best efforts in choosing or taking care of. Please, RESPECT ME.


Its kinda hard sometimes, because I usually arrange my outfit with a holistic approach. and if I cant wear THE shoes, I have to re-arrange the whole ensemble. I dont mean to sound so vain, but its just me.

Anywaysssss....asking permission, just say, "can I, please?" (yes, I really love it when people care about the P's and Q's)
Am I too scary to ask from? (FYI, I dont bite. really.)
Is it too much to ask??

yesss...its common sense...I've written a blog about it here, but thats a different story I guess :P

Negativo

Humm...I don't understand people who's very negative! Like, people who are really judgmental, and love bitching maybe a little bit tooooo much!

okay, like, simple and usual example.
you work your ass off, EVERY single day, also covering for Sir Kissass-a-lot who has not been doing anything, but could get away with it, well, because, you know what.
then one day, you come late because you had to poop, because you have food poisoning really bad.
and your coworkers would be like

A: omg, that lazy son of a bitch, he ALWAYS takes any chance to not do work!
(then bitches B, C and D get reaaaally excited once a target is acquired!! they're practically lactating from all the hormonal and emotional imbalances)

B: OMG, A, seriously!! he NEVER does ANY work AT ALL. You know lah kan, he's from Kampung Oren. The people there are ALL lazy
(usage of totally unrelated and bias statement)

C:  I KNOW he's sitting around, drinking coffee at some kedai mamak. CONFIRMED!!
(usage of a totally presumptuous fiction)

D: org gemuk mcm tu, of coz la berak banyak!
(this one is just to bitch the bitchee's character)

etc. etc.

God! I really can't stand those kind of bitches. Who are overly negative the sight of their faces trigger the nausea part of your brain! And their eyes and ears are like scanners to detect any available target to bitch about.

I love bitching, but I don't look for any reason to. If I bump into someone that has given me the reason to bitch, I'll bitch. Otherwise, I like to remain happy and free and positive.

The dark side

lately I feel so demotivated
like, I don't feel happy most of the time
I'm angry, I'm upset, I'm sick of everything
I'm anhedonic, I don't even feel like shopping.

I keep on asking, where does everything go wrong?
Is it him? Is it her? Is it them? Is it ME?
am I the source of my own happiness?
What do I do wrong? I keep on trying and trying, but all "it" sees is mistakes.
No appreciation. I feel like shit.

What is my purpose? What's the reason to live? What's the reason to wake up in the morning?
Why am I unhappy? What should I do?
Confront my enemies? That would make things worse
Keep on thinking of angry thoughts and revenge? That would kill my mind, slowly and deadly
Distractions? That would not cure the cause
Solving the problem? err....can I really solve it? because my solution would be rejected
Walk away? I'd love to. But it wouldn't solve anything, besides, it would make "it" happy that "it" had beaten me. so I wouldn't want that.

So, I really dunno what to do.
Reward myself? Can I feel the relief? Its just like adding some delicious cream on top of a crappy tasting cake.
Punish myself? Can I feel the redemption? Will my pain relief my suffering, or just another distraction from the real problem?

And why do people always generalize? stereotyping? being bias? I hate to be punished from generalization, not because of my own mistakes. "It" makes assumptions. Talk behind my back. Have "it" ever asked me why? The reasons behind my actions? Oh, I forgot... "it" doesn't have the capacity to accept rationalizations from someone "it" hates. "It's" emotions pollute "it:s reasoning, therefore "it" wouldn't be able to think that what I said is honest and sincere from my heart, without any intention of being aggressive and destructive.

So much for a 21st century community. I can really feel my mind and soul are slowly decaying.

God, only you are the source of my strength. Without you, I'd definitely had gone off somewhere bad.
Please gimme something that can make me feel more alive. Maybe make me grow some wings so I can just fly away and feel FREE!

Gimme something... that can make me feel.... INNER PEACE!

P.S. I really miss my family and BFFs! you guys are my life! XOXO

hear me, please?

I hate to get pulled in a discussion in which every opinions I have is rejected.
Like, when I tried my best to answer some questions, everything I said is brushed off.
Kinda makes me feel like stupid, and yeah, pretty useless in that group.
Err...I don't get it..why bother asking people to be active in a discussion when you couldn't even listen to other people's opinions?
Like, its a discussion, for God's sake...for people changing "opinions", in case you dunno what that means, it means people's point of view, which may not be a fact, it can be right or wrong.

maybe in their head, I seem to be not knowing about anything... but in my point of view, they are just narrow-minded people, who have 1950's brains.

Urgh..its just NO fun, getting dragged in a discussion with STUBBORN idiots.

keep your enemies closer

I love the saying coz its true....

keep your friends close, and your enemy closer...

-so you can choke them in their sleep
-so you can slip poison in their drinks
-so you can kick them in the balls
-so you can claw their eyes out
-so you can push them off a cliff
-so you can *insert malice things here*

sorry for this hate-ridden post. currently I'm just so full of hate. oh, and anger. anger is like oil poured to my burning hatred. there's always someone we'd all hate. I dont understand. why cant we just live in peace (rather than wishing people to rest in peace).

its just that things arent going so good nowadays, and you dunno where to turn to because the person you're pouring your hearts out might blind side you and all. I just CANT TRUST ANYONE! its like a Survivor game. its crazy.

anyway, im going out with my family this weekend. i hope I will be better later.
my poor little heart is sooooo filled with profanities right now....lemme just pour one out.

I FUCKING HATE YOU (to whom it may concerned)

God, please forgive me..so, thats all, bye!

Party poopers

it sucks, ne? when  you're having fun, enjoying and relaxing. then...some bitch came and screw everything around, stepping on EVERYBODY's toes, pointing fingers and blaming everyone on every little stupid things.

kinda like,
Bitch: why are you wearing leather shoes? dont you know cows are getting extinct?
Me: eh, those are not leather shoes, and cows are blooming all around the world
Bitch: eh...no no NO NO NO! cow's are getting extinct NO matter what. because I said so
Me: but.....
Bitch: no buts! what I said is what I said! and its ALL your fault that the cows are getting extinct!
Me: but....
Bitch: NO! COW'S ARE GETTING EXTINCT AND ITS ALL YOUR FUCKING FAULT!
Me: *thought* F U!

Moral of the story: NEVER argue with idiots.

the art of admonishment

like seriously, where is your common sense?
or is it just a scheme for you to use me?
why does it seem like I have to state every single little thing for you to do? you're an adult, its your responsibility, why won't  you do it, unless I tell you to?

like, I can't tell someone,

-hey, can you flush the toilet next time you use it?
-hey, can you wipe your own coffee stain next time? (like, omg, the stain's just 2 drops, and its not cleaned for like months! MONTHS i tell you! I was trying to observe if you're eventually gonna do it, but you didnt, so yeah, I became your stupid slave again, and wiped the fucking stain which took just a few seconds because i just couldnt stand the sight of those stains anymore!)
-hey, can you turn off the lights?
-hey, can you clean after yourself??

like, hello? its common sense! its SOOOO freakin' easy to just attack you about it, but I'm still thinking that in long-term, I don't want to feel awkward and uncomfortable seeing your face around. even though currently i feel rage and hatred.

i mean, I don't mind doing little things and i understand that you're busy.. but HECK, I'm busy too! but its no excuse to be dirty and well non-commansensely.

or maybe I was just overestimating the role of an adult, or common sense of a freaking human!
please just dont give me the reasons to be bitchy.. i just wanna be peaceful and happy, alright?
like, seriously, how do I say those things to a person? should I care to change someone's way of thinking? or should I just destroy the relationship with the ray of hatred and rage??

A speck of dust in the ever expanding universe

I've been having this weird feeling.

Like I'm strangely invisible
Like I'm unmemorable
Like I am an insignificant being
Like I don't matter
A nobody

Is it normal to feel like that sometimes?
Why is it so important to feel accepted/acknowledged/memorable?
When are we going to grow up from this childish high school social emo thingy?

God, I hate Monday blues.
and I'm really homesick.
and I hate my current house.
Blargh!

missing my hakuna matata

I kinda love my job. its hard work, its responsibilities. i really hate to love it. but yeah, I do enjoy it sometimes.

though... I really miss my student life.

I really miss:

-the hakuna matata thingy, no responsibilities to other people's life. we presented the cases to our lecturers, we find out the data and knowledge for the sake of learning. we study for exams. the life of the patients were not in our hands at that moment.

-weekends! oh, I miss sleeping in, and wasting the weekend time relaxing and all!

-my friends! I miss going shopping, gossiping, movies, dining out etc etc. I miss having somebody really familiar. I miss somebody to whom I can talk freely just about anything and everything. somebody who share the inside jokes and who understands me.

-sports! I miss playing netball with my friends, and badminton. now I dont have the time and people to play with. yesterday I had a little jog and today my calf muscles hurt everytime I walk. I'm seriously going weak (and gaining weight! >.<) yep, I really miss those things. those precious things that I wouldn't be able to enjoy as much.

gosh! I miss those times! wish I could turn back time!!

anyways, I'm gonna be on call again tomorrow, so I need to go to sleep now. and I haven't packed my clothes for oncall tomorrow *sigh*

so yeah, good night~

another complaining and whining from truly moi~

lol yeah, I've been complaining non freaking stop since forever (especially since I've started working actually :P)

I dunno, I still miss my BFFs, I miss my family so damn much. even though I've made new friends, I dunno, I'm kinda a bit of a social retard. I don't get close in a short time. But, I'm getting there, I guess. *sigh* I miss gossiping like nuts and going for a retail therapy with my friends. I miss feeling the rush and high of shopping that all the problems in the world just melt away and its just us and shopping unity in the moment, nothing else.

I dunno, I always doubt myself at the moment. I'm afraid of making mistakes, so I question myself a lot. its pathological. and I get the feeling that I couldn't do any damn thing right, no matter how much I try? or like, it doesn't matter that I do all the right things, one little mistake would just ruin me. I hate it so much. I know making mistakes is a step of a learning process. I know that since med school. Its just that sometimes I can accept my mistakes and all, sometimes they just get to me too much. I hate the fact that I've worn the same outfit over and over again for like, 1 month plus since I've been here. When I get depressed, I could wear the same outfit twice in a week. and if I wear the same outfit twice in a week, I'll spiral into deeper depression. Its one hell of a vicious cycle, I tell you. Heck, I am ruined.

I really can't wait to go back home for Raya. I want to feel human again!

Sucky Day

hi hi..first of all, I'm unable to go to sleep, since I've slept from 11am to 5pm today. that sucks. I'm gonna need my sleep for a chaotic day tomorrow. Because I'm going to paeds medical ward.

aand, today's my postcall. oncall yesterday was really not peaceful. quite a lot of babies to resus and all that. freaking tiring. whats more, I'm oncall with him. gah! hate it so freaking much. didnt get much sleep last night.

and this morning, turned out I've made some big mistakes. tired + sleep deprived + feeling really bad for my mistakes = great depression. yup, I'm never able to do anything right. sucks!

and when I was sleeping away my depression, some dude I barely know, whom I asked for help one freaking time, decided to ask my number from my mom, and started texting me like I'm his good friend, asking me this and that. and people who really know me, knows how much I HATE being disturbed when I'm sleeping for stupid unnecessary little things by people I'm not so close with or people I don't really like. SUPER hate it! really fcuking hate it! like, get the message, idiot, if I replied "yes", "no", "ok", get the freaking idea that I'm not freaking interested. if I didn't reply, hell no I'm not interested. really pissing me off that the dude didnt get it at all, I said I was sleeping and I was @ my postcall. and when I didn;t reply, he kept on asking, oh sorry, are u mad at me or something. fcuk. I dont even know you, and you obviously dunno who the hell I am. if im not replying then piss off. its not really rocket science. god! where are all these idiots coming from?? thats why I hate asking people for help, hate to be "in debt" to someone. especially idiots. urgh!

darn. really spoiling my post call break. anyway, just now went out with some colleagues for dinner. thanks for the superb time. its fun, and really made my day better.

anyways, for what its worth, I hope tomorrow will be a better day. though I seriously doubt it. *serious negative black hole aura surrounding*

Damsel in Distress

I used to love myself so much I have a tinge of narcissism. I used to have some self-confidence that keeps me going. I used to have the feelings that nothing can bring me down.

and right now, I'm just still doubting and hating myself so much. I've been trying so hard to survive this, to learn and all. I just keep on screwing up one after another. I'm tired of feeling so lonely even though I'm surrounded by people. I'm tired of feeling like I'm the only stupid, useless someone here. I can't even remember the patients, I can't remember any freaking thing! And the thing I hate the most is, no matter how much I've achieved/learned, there's always something stupid I'd do, and my confidence would just crumble down like a house of cards.

I miss my BFFs, I miss my family, I miss going out and having fun, I miss laughing nonstop I don't have time to stop and breathe, I miss just feeling free and in control, I miss enjoying those tiny, little things in my life, I miss having shopping mates! now I just do everything on my own. and it feels really horrible. I feel like a lonely, desperate damsel in distress! they who understand me the most are all far, far away from here, and/or are too busy being doctors too.

I'm SOOOO freaking tired right now. I still have no idea what the hell am I doing. What am I supposed to do?

I love him, I love him not.

SOURCE: http://doccartoon.blogspot.com/
THIS IS SOOOOO TRUE!!!

gosh! I hate this mixed feelings about work! its like being in love with a complicated guy XD

Oh, I'm gonna start oncall this Saturday. I'm feeling kinda anxious thinking about it. Like, how does it really feel? and dealing with patients as a first-line of management and all that. a new experience for me! exciting, but kinda nerve-wrecking at the same time.

And, sometimes I just can't help questioning, like its still really unbelievable that I'm a d-o-c-t-o-r. like, I've been a school/college student all my life! and now I'm a working person, a d-o-c-t-o-r! its still a weird feeling, I guess. Yeah, I'm having a bit of an adjustment disorder. Hope it wont last long, or it'd progress to depressive disorder or something :P

So yeah, I'm in love with this "guy". Sometimes, the challenges make me feel more alive, sometimes they just depress me. I guess its normal?? Gosh, I've been questioning and doubting myself since the 1st day. I hate this feeling of a low lifer, with low self-esteem and low self-confidence. I seriously need some new shoes/clothes to boost my self-esteem/self-confidence. SERIOUSLY!

Gosh, I've been a real freaking whiner ever since I started working!! hate this about myself! anyway, I really wanna enjoy my job as much as I can. I can do this! I still need some new shoes, but I can do this!! ^^

day 15 of housemanship

omg, its like, half a month already! time flies so fast. it seems just yesterday that I walked into this hospital TOTALLY clueless just about EVERYTHING!

Anyway, I'm going back to special care nursery (SCN) starting today. This morning, I woke up and found out that I've been wearing the same shoes over these 15 days: a) white sneakers, b) white flat shoes, c) black & white shiny shoes, d) fugly flat black sandals. since I can't wear any heels, my options are limited. and I feel its kinda depressing! I need more shoes to match my clothes, more shoes makes me happy and more functional. oh btw, I need more work clothes too!

Damn! I wanna go shopping SO bad! Me needs Money!!

so yeah, anyway, my passion for medicine is recovering, though I still resent it sometimes. I now learn to accept my mistakes and learn from it. I dont wanna break down just because I did something wrong. I need to be stronger and tougher to deal with my mistakes and myself.

p.s. I still hate waking so early in the morning!

Housemanship: I miss my LIFE!

hum... adjustment disorder?

I just got back from tagging, day 7. gosh, why do I still feel SOOOO freaking' blur??
Sometimes I hate my life, sometimes I enjoy some things.

really, really having a love-hate relationship with doctor life.

I dunno where to start. urgh! I really don't know. sometimes I really like doing what i do. sometimes, it just feels like a burden to me, like I've lost the fire and passion for medicine. I feel like a zombie trotting around doing stuff. actually I'm still really clueless.

urgh... i dunno what to write, but my blog has been too empty and my heart too full with distress.

hum.. so yeah, my first posting - paeds, special care nursery (SCN) in Miri Hospital.
I'm the only girl HO for now, like the specialist said "rose between the thorns" huh.. and I'm actually quite a reserved person, I enjoy being with my closest circle of friends and didnt say much with strangers. so yeah, its quite awkward meeting new people and all. and its not really fun without another girl to talk about girl stuff and all. and as a new person, the adapting is really hard. these people know what, when, why, how, where they're doing. as for me, I dunno ANYTHING! I got lost some times because I have no sense of direction whatsoever, I dunno any patients, I cant remember the patients because they're all babies so they all look the same. and I'm quite bad in running maths through my head coz i usually scribble to solve maths (except for counting percentage in discount sales :P), and as paeds deal with a lot of maths, I'm quite a slow calculator. and my paeds knowledge...hmph! 2 months after my final professional exam, I just didnt study any medicine, so I felt really useless and inadequate now. oh and I also wondering if my brain's just too slow or my hearing's really bad because they all talk so fast!

so yeah, I'm tagging from 7am to 11pm weekdays and 7am-6pm weekends. really tiring and I SUPER hate waking up so early in the morning. *sigh sigh sigh*. I'm not a morning person, but I HAVE to smile at everyone in the ward *sigh again*,

and I miss my passion for fashion. now I only dress for the sake of dressing up now, I dont enjoy it anymore. I miss caring about color co-ordination, I miss having my accessories complete my outfit, I miss wearing pants to slim my legs (now I carry calculator, phone and a small book in my pocket -> super fattening but the heck i care), I care about the length of my pants to suit my heels, oooh... I miss wearing heels! I cant wear them anymore! *sob* I miss feeling the fun and the rush when my outfit completes my look. I miss putting on make-ups (I just dont have the time and the surgical mask would ruin them anyway). I dont moisturize anymore because I have to frequently wash my hands, overall, I just don't care how I look anymore, and its really bringing my already down self-esteem more down or downer is that even a word? i don't care.

and at 11 pm, i dont have the time to study because im too sleepy and all, so im becoming stupider and stupider and hating myself more and more.

anyway, i'm just in a state of blurness now. I just dont know. but I'm really thankful to have some nice HOs and MOs and specialists who've helped me a lot even though clearly I'm sooo inadequate. I'm a doctor. what?? am I really?? i dont feel like one because i just feel sooo freaking inadequate.


sometimes its fun
sometimes its not

god, gimme strength!

sabishii! kanashii! sushi!

Just now, Mel, Amy and I went to have dinner at Sushi King @ The Spring. It was about 8.45pm~9pm when we got there. It wasn't really a full house just now, but to my huge surprise, as we walked to some empty seats, the sushi belts were frigging EMPTY! like, omg, whats going on in there? We were a bit apprehensive, however, we though we could just order some sushi or something. Then, the fiasco began. First, the waitress completely ditched us. We sat there, waiting, no drinks served, no one wanted to take our order, until we had to call for them for quite some time (also, some customers behind our seats complaining about the slow, bitchy waitresses who were obviously ignoring some customers' calls). We waited for almost 30 minutes, the belts were still empty! There were 2 chefs working behind the sushi kitchen, however, from what I've observed, they were slow and not much productive (if it was Gordon Ramsay's Hell Kitchen, he'd screamed and cursed and shut the whole restaurant if he had such lousy chefs!). I don't think this has happened before from my experience dining there, I wonder if this really happens often?

such emptiness!

really empty, only wasabi!

yes, look at me, I'm taking your picture and the empty belts, showing how incompetent you are. be thankful you're wearing that mask!

We were really getting antsy for waiting for too long, when a waitress finally answered our call. She then explained, if we were to order sushi now, we had to wait for about 20 minutes because there was a long waiting list, and if we wanted to order something from the kitchen, it would probably take less time than the sushi. yeah, right - I said in my heart. then, the head chef yelled "sushi orders stopped now". then, I asked her, wth happened to the emptiness of the sushi belts? (well, I didn't really actually said "wth" XD), then she said, its because there were too much orders, that the chefs weren't able to make any more sushi for the belts. how f"cking ridiculous. honestly I was getting pretty mad at that time. I thought it was because of the incompetent chefs (and obviously waitresses) that there were no sushi on the belt, thus, forcing people to place orders, thus, rendering the incompetent chefs failure to increase the volume of sushi. then, of course, we got up and left.

Seriously disappointed at such lousy service. I felt really unfortunate to like sushi so much, with not so many casual sushi restaurant here. Really hope this will never happen again in the future, or I'll be swearing off Sushi King :P

trip to home and back again

I seemed to have lost my interest in updating my blog. Probably because after the exam, I kinda like, "let it all down". I have rested, slept like a log, and wasted my time online and watching drama or movies. it was all stress-free~

and last weekend, I went back home. overall it was fun, though I couldn't really be as free as when I am here, because at home, I still have to do chores, unlike here where I can procrastinate all I want :P. Also, I've been busy with my 14-month-old niece, who can already walk, run and babble some words, she's getting smarter and even naughtier, its really hard to chase her around the house! like a quote inside my paediatric guide book, "You can learn many things from children - how much patience you have, for instance - Franklin P. Jones". Apparently, I dont have much of it, so its something that I'll have to learn more.

Also, yesterday was Malaysia's 52nd Independence Day aka Merdeka day, with the theme of 1 Malaysia this year. Merdeka is when Malaysia was freed from British invasion. Blood has been spilt, and a lot of effort and sacrifices were involved in the process. I don't think there's enough empathy which we can express that is equal to how difficult the whole Merdeka process really was. Without all the sacrifices and all, Malaysians wouldn't be able to experience such freedom as now. I'm not really good at history but I understand the basic of it XD.
Still, some stupid Malaysians decided to think that freedom in Merdeka is the same as freedom to waste themselves, to be free from all the moral restraints. Merdeka is celebrated by getting wasted with alcohol, drugs and social gathering of nothingness. I dunno, I just hate the youth today, the ones who cant think higher than the basic survival instincts of eating and mating, who followed every single thing the media redeemed as "cool" regardless of the consequences. well, I think everyone knows how this species is.

So, when my 16-year-old sister decided to go out to celebrate Merdeka with a couple of good-for-nothing watsisface and watserface, god, I was pissed off. I was worried till I couldnt sleep. i felt like a protective mother. gave her some talk after she came back, hope she'll change for the better.

why do I hate those idiots so much? its because:
a. they don't have the will to learn, they are too content with what they have, they have no self-motivation to improve themselves (this is where "stay the same" song doesn't work)

b. they are too weak to peer pressure and a slave to the so-called coolness (their definition of cool = hate school, study as little as possible, laugh at people who do nice things or study and call them "geek", destroy your body as much as possible - smoke! drink! drugs! sex!, be stupid, look stupid, feel stupid, eat stupid) kawan mkn taik ko pun mkn taik juak!

c. they follow everything they watch on TV (content same as point above)

there is a thin line between being adventurous and being stupid,
also a thin line between having fun and being stupid.

parents don't let their kids out late at night to prevent from bad things happening to them (self-destruction, rape, fights, murder, etc), not because they are narrow minded or they dont want the kids to have fun or "mengongkong", like we've heard a lot from the stupid people's excuses. even though our parents are from different generation, the human nature hasn't really changed much, only even worse now. parents have been teenagers before, they understand. been there done that!

and I'm not advocating to make TV our enemy, or dont ever watch TV! its just that we have to have some sort of a filter, to sieve through, learn to avoid the bad influence and follow the good ones. just like fashion, what may look good on other people doesnt mean it would look good on you. so, think wisely!

and have the freaking courage to say NO to those pesky peer pressure thingy. i know its hard for most teenagers, thats why i said courage is needed.

or perhaps, stupid people exist to complete the hierarchy of the ecosystem. if there are no losers, there wont be any winners?

anyways, nice guys always finish last. thats kinda like the rule of the world.

another long post from me. I just cant stop myself from talking about those people. Anyways, those are just my honest point of view. I hope I didnt get stupid being caught up in my own thoughts and eliminating other possibilities. If I was wrong, enlighten me.

Together we decrease the incidence of stupidity!!!!