hiya~

nothing much happened...its been a lazy lazy weekend.

my friends and i went shopping today. i bought a new mouse ( a purple vaio!) and also a cooler pad for my lappy.


how cute is that?? X3
the cooler pad's not so cute. its so ordinary and mechanical. but it really works! my lappy's as cool as if its never been turned on. XP

oh, and i went to visit my younger brother, Noem just now. he asked me to buy some food coz he's hungry and his hostel wont allow any outing until next week. *poor him* and i really understand how hard a hostel life can be. how restricted everything is. it has disciplined me though coz i have to learn it the hard way. we have to make a lot of sacrifices, basically trying to survive when everything is so essential. there are so many people who're living with us. you need to know how to protect yourself, how to make friends, how to handle enemies, and try to live as best as you can under such difficult situations. the rules of the boarding school are very strict. i've lived a hard life in the boarding school. though its the toughest period i've ever had, it has taught me to stand on my own two feet, and helped me to grow up and notice the hardship of the real world. buut...i dont intend to let my beloved brother suffer like i've had. i want to help him as much as i can. when i was in the boarding school, no one helped me except myself. god, i have so many bad memories there, or maybe i was just too rebellious to follow the rules, thus, i hate the thought of that school XD. anyways, yeah, when my brother asked me to buy him some food, i rushed to the nearest supermarket, buy everything i thought he'd need/like. and i ended up buying SOOO many food for him, like biscuits, drinks, fruits, snacks, chocolates, cookies, wafers, and a whole lot more, like i got him 3 bags of food! i guess i've over reacted a little bit XD. its just i really wanted to make my dear brother happy and i dont want him to go through what i've been through. and im happy for that. i left him, a bit teary eyed though XD.

aand..in the evening, when the sun was setting and it wasnt so hot, mel, amy and I went to play basketball. its really fun. and then THAT happened! i aim, shoot, the ball went through the hoops, and knocked mel on the head. (she's standing over the net to get the ball) and the face she made, i dunno, kinda triggered my laughing nerve. so i laughed. i laughed like there's no tomorrow. i laughed like i had a hysterical fit! i laughed till i was on the ground, holding my stomach coz it hurt so bad coz i was laughing so freaking hard. i laughed for a long, long time, non-stop that it almost had me asphyxiated! omg, i dunno what happened to me at that moment. im not really the kind of person who'd laugh at someone else's demise. and i hate slapstick jokes! but i did just now. i was and i am really, really, really sorry coz the ball hit Mel's head. oh god, it was the best laugh i've ever had. mel said its okay coz she knows its not like i intentionally hit her with the ball but i felt really bad for laughing at her. but its just so freaking hilarious its almost sick. i just hope it wont happen again. god, i can laugh again if i think again of it! :x

aaand...just now, we planned to go for a movie. and it stayed at the "planned" part. when we arrived, the cinema was PACKED with people! there are LONG lines on the counter. like there's never a more-than-10-people on the line before. and this time its like 50 people or so, queuing up for the movie. i guess its because the movies are kinda cool, like Wanted, Made in Honor, Get Smart oh, and some Malay movies. so, we thought that we wont make it. and we have curfew at 12am, so we just left. im so sad! anyways, there's always tomorrow~

friday day-off

first week of ENT posting done! we even got today off coz our ENT lecturers are so nice and they have something else important to do elsewhere.

anyways, yesterday we went to the clinic. i witnessed a few flaws of the government hospital. 1st, they have this system where the staff or the staff's family members got to go first. like, how unfair can that be??

2nd, well..this is just a mistake. a little mistake that's kinda huge anyways, because this involved hygiene and stuff. and the mistake is just SO OMG! anyways, a bunch of medical students including me joined in a clinic, and the ENT specialist, he's just so busy and there were so many patients and stuff. and he-mistakenly-used-a-USED-scope-into-a-patient's-nostril-into-his-oropharynx! and the used scope was used into another patient's ear, for god's sake! its really scary, kinda happened in slow motion, where he picked the scope up, and we med students were staring cluelessly, he lifted the scope in front of the patient's nose, and we're like, gaaaped, and staaared and our voices got stuck in our throats and we just saw it happened helplessly, when the doctor stuck a used scope into the man's nose! after it happened, then the slowmotion button unrolled, and we got to cried, "doctor, that was the previous patient's!" but the damage was already done. like, OMG!

for me, its the doctor mistake for putting the used scope on a sterile cloth when he's supposed to put anything unsterile into the kidney tray. maybe its just the surgeon's ego to ask anyone about it coz they're supposed to know everything and stuff :P.

anyways, enough about yesterday. today, the day-off. i've been lazying around, re-watching grey's anatomy, downloading some more anime, that's just piling up into my unwatched anime downloads. then, i found out that my brother has installed Warcraft without my consent. so, i played it for a while. and i think i am actually good at it. you know, if anyone can do it, why cant i? if anyone can be good at it, why cant i? /godcomplex much! XP

and at night, i made some garlic spread. and watched some grey's again. download some more anime and then played some solitaire.

so yeah, a free day, but uneventful~

ENT: Easy, no tension??

well, thats what an ENT surgeon said to use today. we joined him at his clinic, and he really taught us a LOT. from the basic science to the secrets of outsmarting the examiners XD. i thought everything needs to be practiced before they become easy. like one of the best surgeon in the world said, everything is difficult before they become easy. and saying is always easier than doing.

anyways, its the 2nd day of this ENT posting. and 2nd day we're posted at Sarawak General Hospital. we're so used to Sibu Hospital that we hate everything in SGH right now. it just seems so foreign and you'll have to get to know new people, new routes, new parking spaces, new etc etc.
and in ENT, you can get up close and personal with the insides of the ear, the nostrils and the throat. kinda freaky to see how many freaky things can happen in these 3 body parts.

and to help reduce some stress, my friends and I went to Secret Recipe, and I got myself a huge chicken cornish and also a piece of chocolate chip walnut cake. they SOOOO decadent!

and now, i'm gonna have to read about the nose and the nasal polyps. fun.

regret and philosophy stuff?

its been a relaxing weekend for me. havent been doing anything cool, basically just stay home, watch TV or watch anime or any drama I have here. i am also crazy about grey's anatomy trivia right now, its like you have to answer loads of questions and compete against other grey's fans all over the world. its really additive XD.

well, last friday was the last day of forensic studies, we had an exam. theory part (MCQ and SAQ) was thankfully pretty easy and i could answer most of the questions *proud* buuut..the clinical part, OSCE was damn hard! well, i know i have been slacking off and those stupid monday blues and everything, but its really hard. i really hope we could pass!

you know, in one of my lecturer's notes, she said "fail to prepare, be prepared to fail" in big, bold, all-capital letters. you'd think we'd be scared out of our wits and struggle really hard so we wont fail. but nooo~! we chose to procrastinate and not to worry until we had to. and thats when everything is too late. irreversible damage! we've already known of this, but why do we keep failing ourselves??

its really true what those wise, genius, all poetic philosophers (or maybe its just some poetic but ordinary person?) said, "you'll never appreciate anything until its lost". im not so poetic myself, so yeah, something like that. like, in study, we keep putting things off, keep on saying "there IS tomorrow" not realizing we've wasted so much time and the same mistake keeps repeating itself. knowledge has to be appreciated. because knowledge is power, and without it we are nothing. so of course you cant take it for granted. i'd rather die than live without knowledge!

and, in relationships, sometimes we just dont appreciate the people around us. like me, i've lost lots of friends because of my ungratefulness and my laziness. i kept on saying "i'll text her later", "i'll reply her email/letter later", "i'll just call her later, she's just one click away from me". later became days, then weeks, then months and even years. then the friendship was all forgotten. i should've appreciated those people. make them feel appreciated, make them feel loved and needed. its just that its really sad when a friendship die just because of our laziness. keeping in touch with each other isnt so difficult. why do we keep on putting off replying someone's email when it takes just about 5 minutes?

okay okay, im getting out of the topic now XD. well, in a nutshell, i just feel like everything and everyone needs to be appreciated. human beings are complex (excluding idiots), a simple very unimportant action could lead to a gigantic very important consequence. but we, human, sometimes choose to run away from things. why? maybe its (again) because of our laziness to correct things up, or maybe our primitive ego is just too huge to be broken by a simple gesture. like we'd think its like admitting defeat? hum..something like that.

well then, i'd better go to sleep. tomorrow's the start of Ear, Nose and Throat posting. the book is already here, my spirits are up, i am invincible right now! :P

the hardest 3 words to say

and its not "I Love You"
its not "I am Sorry"
its not "You Are Right"

those are among the top hardest thing to say to another person. saying "I love you" to another person for the first time (e.g. crushes or even to the person you love from the bottom of your heart) is embarrassing. you'd think of failure of the confession? ruining your friendship? getting laughed at? or other 1000 reasons pessimistic or realist people would think about.

"I am sorry" with full meaning IS hard. meaningless apologies are easy, they're perhaps the most used lies and the easiest of all. Some people might think in saying apologies, they are wrong and defeated, or some would just want to let the guilt of their chest. sincere apologies are really golden.

"You are right" is almost the same as "I am Sorry". this is the hardest word when you're in an argument or in a fight. especially in selfish people, people who talk more than they listen. It is, too, a sign of defeat, admitting you're wrong, accepting someone else's opinion. Thus, this is perhaps the hardest words to say from egomaniacs. its not the hardest word of all for me though. I am quite flexible in accepting people's opinions and admitting that I am wrong. but then again, this depends on my mood at the time :P

aaand...for the hardest of the hardest 3-word-sentence you could say to another person..the sentence that will 99% hurt the feelings of the person (except the ones who are really, really close to you) and the cruelest of all, it is:

"Your Breath Stinks!"

yeah, I experienced the difficulty to say that to a friend today. i considered for a long time, i couldnt though, thats why I felt that its the hardest thing to say to people. temporary relief= eat some gum and offer some to that person ^.^b

nonoy desu~

hum..im supposed to be studying forensics for this friday's exam but i just dont feel like it and i thought i'd just update this bloggie.

i didnt do much today, sleep in till 9.30am coz there's no class, then got online, downloaded some anime and j-drama (X3) then read my notes for couple of hours, then took a nap, then watch TV, then now, sitting here, getting on my laptop when im supposed to be studying (feels like konata >.<). kk then, i'll get back to studying after finishing this blog.

i came across an old friend's blog just now. it made me recall back our memories together and my memories with my primary school best friends, my high school best friends, and my matriculation best friends. i met a lot of people, really cool people i'd love to hang out with together again. i met Zaila, my primary school best friend when i was in Sibu Hospital. I was just wanting to borrow a fundoscope from the medical ward, and there i met her. it has been like, 10 years since we last met. i felt like i dunno her anymore. its just that, its so easy to severe a relationship with someone, when its kinda hard to build it at the first time. maybe its different with other people, but its kinda hard for me to make friends, to gain trust from others and to accept someone, so yeah i really value every relationship in my life. it felt kinda weird that people who had heard my deepest secrets, who was with me breaking school rules, comforting me when i was scared or sad and joking together and teasing others, are now just people whom i know only by name.

is it really true no matter how short our existence is in other people's lives, we make a difference?

how i long for the past, like if only we could just continue what we had last time. yeah, time takes away a lot of things from us. loads of things are forsaken just like that.

i hope i wont have to do that to my current friends. i love you guys! (emotional mode)

something's wrong with my laptop!!!

yeah, something IS wrong! everything is going so freaking slow and its SOOO frustrating!!

could it be:

a. a virus
b. a spyware
c. multiple viruses/spyware (which are undetectable through my scanners! urgh!)
d. me getting too many customizations and who knows what i've been doing to my laptop!

tasukete!!!

1st day of school!

yup, 1st day of school.

full of laziness and sleepiness.

kinda like spring flowers blossoming slowly.

yeah, yeah, i'll stop that flowery poetic weirdness.

anyways, first day, we started on forensics. its kinda interesting, but its kinda just a little gross and disgusting for me. and i have just only seen the pictures like, i havent even been in the mortuary yet. but i will get used to it. it takes time to adapt to this new thing.

and just now we had some cleaning around the house. its been unhabitated for almost 2 months since the last occupants left. so its kinda messy and dusty and the boxes and everything were just all over the place. so its really tiring.

and i had to type a letter requesting for an exchange of group coz im the only one among my best friends who got shipped out to another posting! waaa!

so thats all for now!

homesick and monday blues! *sob*

yep, after a month plus holiday, i'm back here in kuching for school. there are loads of feeling mixing up. my parents and my youngest sis went here to send me and they just got back home this morning, and yeah, i'm feeling kinda sad. kinda makes you wish you spend more time or you appreciate each other more. its true that we always do miss things after they're gone. and absence DOES make the heart grow fonder.

just one good thing is that i dont have to look at those faces that i hate so much. merely being in their presence can kill me slowly!

tomorrow we're gonna start the 1st day of the 4th year of my stay here in the medical school. it feels kinda exciting coz we dont know yet what we are facing. and being all down and pessimistic i am right now, i cant help but thinking about the hardship of the medical school and my study. i hope this feeling will go away soon.

oh, another good news is, my car will be arriving at my home next week! yay! but, the down side is..my parents have something to manage about the car, i dunno, all the insurance and stuff, so it might take another month for it to get to me here!!! T.T
and my mom admitted that she wanted to use my car for a while too coz she loves it too XD

anyways, yeah, my holiday has been fun to me, now its time to get tortured with studies and stuff!!