angry.wrath.pissed

warning: too angry to care about etiquette!

Lately I have been getting bouts of anger episodes here and there. I am a passive aggressive person. Why? because:

I hate being passive - I want my opinions heard and I want to make some change whenever I do/say things to people.
I also hate being aggressive - I SUPER hate the awkward moments that would happen between me and the confrontee, because most people just wont admit that they're fucking wrong and to say sorry. and the sickeningly sweet acts during the make-up moments. I'm just not build for all this.

I friggin' hate idiotic comments/acts, especially when people think I'm stupider than them. As a passive-aggressive person, I'd try my best to voice out my dissatisfaction through filtered comments or just subtle moves. Fucking idiots, they just couldnt pick up anything, and they wouldnt be able to reason anything. So, all I do most of the time is roll my eyes, or take deep breaths while cursing in my heart or putting on a fake polite smile.

All those things just bottled up in me, and whenever I'm alone/bored, all those fucking stupid comments or things people say/do just came back to me. I just cant help it. Very unfortunately, I'm very analytical in everything happening around me.

I fucking hate it when I did something wrong, and people just go "hey, dont do that, dont you know (terrible consequence this and terrible consequence that) would happen if you do that??! *bla bla bla nag nag nag*" and then when I voiced out my reasoning and I was well aware of what I was doing; and I had a reason behind my acts; I could accept its my fault if its really my fault, those people would reject all my reasoning and continued to nag nag nag like I'm a freakin' idiot! you idiot!

and dont you fucking say you dont understand me, because I'm fully aware of that. You are not me, therefore you'd never fully understand me. never. ever. ever. ever. ever. its a simple fact of life.

I really hate to be angry. Its eating me up from the inside. I hate to be bitter and miserable. Maybe I should be more assertive, but most people just couldn't take direct hit, I dunno, maybe idiots just can't reason with anything. or maybe I should learn to just let go. like, just let those idiots say whatever they wanna say, and I'll continue with my life (urgh, I hate my long-term memory!). or maybe I should get a punching bag as an anger outlet. or maybe I should indulge in happy cute things like rainbows, ponies and fairies.

oh, p.s. its funny at first but when it happens just too many times, I super hate it when people say, *shocked sneering face* WHAT? you're a doctor and you've got a cold??* I'd just laugh with them while saying in my heart, "I'm a doctor, I'm not god, you #$%^&*" (mom, you always say that whenever I'm sick, however, you're immune to my wrath, so its ok, mom~ I love you lots and you're my back bone, I just cant live without you!)

oh, since I'm letting it all out! to the woman sitting next to me on my flight back, I SUPER hate it when you talked NON-STOP to me, and eventhough I pretended to sleep just to avoid talking to you, you're just freakily staring at me the whole time and when I opened my eyes just a tiny bit, you'd noticed straightaway and you continued talking like crazy and its just hitting every nerves in my body, my blood was boiling like crazy and most of the time I just couldnt hear whatever the heck you're saying because I was just praying in my heart for the plane to land. and when the plane took off and tried to land, you said loudly that accidents happen and you told me gruesome details of plane accidents, its really freaking crazy to freak me out like that! I hate yooouuuu!!

huuuuuuuu....ok, I feel loads better now. I just cant keep all the feelings anymore. I must learn to let go.

from my little vacation

Hi there! I miss blogging about every little thing! Too bad I have a slow connection at my home, so I'd rather spend time in front of my TV than in front of my laptop waiting for minutes for each web page to load.

Anywho.. I've just got back from my vacation with my BFFs. I went to the west malaysia for a week. we did loads of things.

First, I went to Johor Bahru, stayed at Mel's house. Then, went to Singapore for a day with a group of friends. we went there for a day. We went to Sentosa Island, and it was SOOO much fun. Though, the travelings and public transportations stuff were really tiring. We had to rush to catch all the buses and trains, its reaaally, really tiring. The Sentosa Island was fun! we chose the thrill package, where we did Luge, Skyride, Parajump, Megazip and watch some 4D movies. Parajump was the scariest thing I've ever tried! Its kinda like bungee jump, but you're not tied to your feet. The rope was attached to your back, and it was 5 storeys high, and then, you'd stand at the edge of the plank (this was the scariest part!), and take a leap and jump! its really crazy!

then, at JB, we went to the chocolate fair, where I went crazy and bought LOADS of chocs. Then, we went for movies and to Danga bay where we rode on the Pirate Ship.

Then, we went to Selangor, where we stayed at Amy's house. we went to Genting Highlands, but its raining, so we didnt get to play on many rides (cries!). then, the next day, went to Sunway Lagoon~ I'm lazy to tell all the details, but needless to say, its SUPER fun~

Then, I went home~ home sweet home~