missing my hakuna matata

I kinda love my job. its hard work, its responsibilities. i really hate to love it. but yeah, I do enjoy it sometimes.

though... I really miss my student life.

I really miss:

-the hakuna matata thingy, no responsibilities to other people's life. we presented the cases to our lecturers, we find out the data and knowledge for the sake of learning. we study for exams. the life of the patients were not in our hands at that moment.

-weekends! oh, I miss sleeping in, and wasting the weekend time relaxing and all!

-my friends! I miss going shopping, gossiping, movies, dining out etc etc. I miss having somebody really familiar. I miss somebody to whom I can talk freely just about anything and everything. somebody who share the inside jokes and who understands me.

-sports! I miss playing netball with my friends, and badminton. now I dont have the time and people to play with. yesterday I had a little jog and today my calf muscles hurt everytime I walk. I'm seriously going weak (and gaining weight! >.<) yep, I really miss those things. those precious things that I wouldn't be able to enjoy as much.

gosh! I miss those times! wish I could turn back time!!

anyways, I'm gonna be on call again tomorrow, so I need to go to sleep now. and I haven't packed my clothes for oncall tomorrow *sigh*

so yeah, good night~

ObGyn exam tomorrow!!

first, thank God, my flight ticket thingy has settled, so I'll be going home next week~ yay!

Before that, EXAM! from Monday till Thursday! Its been quite a while since we had clinical exams, now I can freshly recall the fear it created when we first experienced those exams in our 3rd year.

So, am I ready? am I scared?
I'm terrified! reading is not a problem, remembering the facts and all is. with panic, sometimes my mind goes blank, thus creating a positive feedback of more fear. Thanks to my family's and my friend's words of support, they unfortunately only help a bit XD, coz in the midst of exam panic, little could be done to calm me down. the panic seems to crush my ever-so-little confidence to begin with. but yeah, I'm still thankful for all the support.

So, I hope my friends and I will do well, in this exam as well as becoming a really safe doctor in the future! good luck everyone!

maternity week and my "so-called" parfait

ah, sorry for neglecting you for so long, bloggie-chan! I've been yet again busy and lazy to update this blog. today's the first day that we "officially" start our rotation to the maternity ward, its really huge compared to the gynae ward. anyways, it all started from the ban that our faculty issued due to the preparation the hospital made to accommodate suspected cases of H1N1 infection from the World Rainforest Music Festival that was held here last week. because this even had invited loads of tourists, its really like the petri dish for H1N1 breeding XD. so, all the students were then banned to go to the WRMF, and also the hospital, to minimize the risk of infection. students who had bought the tickets (which cost $90!)had to sell them in lower price to other people who still wanted to go and risked their life for some music festival =.=

so yeah, today we began our maternity rotation, its gonna last for 2 weeks. so far so good, though we heard maternity 1 group has been scolded really hard by the specialist, Dr. Nicholas, it really makes me go "doki doki" everytime i hear the story, it really IS scary!

anyways, the water problem still persists, its really driving us CRAZY! I dont really know whats going on, but they said something about the pump thingy, and like, the college people are waiting for the asset people to allow some funds for the pump repair thingy? *sigh* its really terrible. i'm SO feeling that my rights as a student is breached or something, its unbelievable. no one should suffer the hardship of not having water supply. I'd like to have the peace of mind whenever I turn the tap and not worry if there's water for shower tomorrow morning before class.

とにかく!! going crazy should be avoided!! therefore, we need anti-stress~~ DESSERTS da yo~~
just cause they are the opposite of stressed, ne?

STRESSED=DESSERTS

I got this idea while watching Arashi no Shukudai-kun, where they featured guest stars and delicacies that sometimes makes you go, "omg, that looks so good *drools*" yup, the show has that effect XD. anyways, I created the Kiwi Parfait~

ingredients: Kiwi, Whipped cream (light, to alleviate guilt XD), Hershey's Chocolate Syrup & Cornflakes. hai, dozo~

おいしい~~

it somehow made my day better.
and to my groupmates: みな-さん, がんばる よ~!!

wake up call

at the time of crisis, our body responds through 2 ways: fight or flight.

like me, I found that the starting of this posting really stressful. I've chosen flight. I sulked, I mourned, I got all gloomy and negative. I tried to run away from it because I hate that I have to go to the hospital for the ward round at 7.30 am. its unbelievable that they have attendance for ward rounds?! I hate the fact that being a student (or gonna be a houseman in the future) I have to be controlled by the more powerful figures. the thing i hate the most is being controlled and not being able to get free.

but all those things, they have their own advantages, right? all clouds has silver linings, the grass is greener, or whatever it is, there will always be some blessings in disguise.

so I thought like, why am I doing this? hating, mourning, sulking, trying to run away.. they use a lot of energy and I'm not going anywhere in the end. it hurts me a lot, but i wouldnt be getting anything from getting gloomy, other than not being able to perform at my best. besides, I WILL be going through much worse situations when I start working in the future, so might as well get use to it now, right?

so yeah, lets embrace and accept that I have to take out my studying spirit thats collecting dusts in the deep dark corner, and turn it up high. I know it will take some time to really get a good grasp on stuff, it will take some time to move all those rusty gears in my brain, but I'll try my best. I will choose to fight.

what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?

Slapped, kicked and SHOCKED!!!

*sigh* today I'm so full of negativity. after like, a "honeymoon" year, plus 5 weeks of elective posting where most of the time we had fun vacationing and another 3 weeks at home lazying around and having fun with my family, plus 2 weeks of therapeutic lectures, where the days were all relaxing and yeah, oh-so-therapeutic to my lazy, super lazy soul.

and now, BAM! ObGyn posting has begun! its like a slap to the face to me, the reality call, the kick to my lazy bum, the shocking electric jolt of realness of reality, the worst Monday blues ever! they all start to dawn on me. no, no! dawning is just too slow, its kinda like the sudden ripping of a bandage on a wound, or the crash of mighty glass on the floor. its just too sudden for me. the feelings are pretty unbelievable, almost extraterresterial!!

and the only thing i looked forward to my monday is wondering what the new items for Pet Society! how sad is that??

*sigh-again* anyways, its gonna really take some time for me to adapt to this supermassive stressing situation. and yeah, Sloth is probably the biggest sin of me. well, just minus the word "probability". huu~

just now we went to the wards for introduction and orientation and stuff, and in the afternoon we had briefings about the posting with our coordinator. I was still in the denial shocked state all through the day. reality's quite a bitch! right now, here I am, with this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, thinking about all the worst case scenarios and stuff, and my chest really hurts with this heavy heavy feeling. i feel like crying but annoyingly i cant, and i cant think of any sad movies to watch so i could cry. how sad is that?? I cant even cry even when i want to! >.<

I want some antidepressants please!

huu.. I'm SO sorry for being a little over the top, I feel like this sudden change of lifestyle is really affecting me. i really, really hope i can adjust and adapt to this situation! *i can do this, im an excellent chameleon! (chant 100x)*

please, please remind me again why I'm doing this.. huhu

What should I feel?

This is the first week of our final year of medicine. yup, final year! we're the final year medical students! a year to go to our professional exam, a year to graduating, a year to starting our career, a year to freedom? a year to the beginning of a torture?

i dunno what to feel

happy that I've gotten this far?
happy that it wont be long that I'll leave college?
happy that I'll start working and earning and living my dreams soon?
happy that I can make myself and my family proud?

or

nervous that the workload of our study will increase significantly?
stressed that lecturers are gonna have high expectations of us since we're the final year students?
scared to face the super massive tough FINAL professional exam?
sad that I'll leave the fun and joy of a student life?
worried about the huge huge burden of our work as houseman once we start working?

or sometimes, it kinda feels unbelievable too. or surprised that time flies soooo fast. and sometimes my fear and worries grow so big that it really freaks me out, and I want to run away from all the pressure and stress. on a second thought, I can't live without medicine, I cant imagine how its like not knowing about medicine, and if I could turn back time, I wouldnt change anything about my life except scold myself for procrastinating too much XD.

yup, its all a cocktail of feelings for me.

anyways, what I'd do now is savor the freedom we're having for these first 2 weeks. then I'll go from there.

me busy bee

hi hi~ hisashiburi da ne~

I've been quite busy lately, with the clinics in the morning, seminars in the afternoon and our project and all. so yeah, my free time is usually used with relaxation and recreation. poor bloggie has been neglected XD.

anyways, it really feels like time is flying super fast pass us. it felt just like yesterday i had the monday blues and tomorrow's friday, its almost weekend. next week, we're gonna have an exam on Thursday, thus thats the last day of our 4th year study! unbelievable, ne? I'll be going off to Terengganu by next week, we're gonna stay there for like 5 weeks or so, and then I'll be going home for the holiday and like, by June, i think, we're gonna return as a final year student! the past 4 years kinda feel like a dream, somehow.

tomorrow's the presentation for our study. cant wait to get it over with. really dislike these kinda stuff!

i still need to read a LOT of stuff. feels like im still at the rock bottom now. tasukete~! (influence of anime is making me use Japanese words XD)

speaking of which, I'm watching a bit of D.Gray-Man now, its a nice anime. its about exorcists in an organization trying to collect a powerful thing named Innocence and destroy creatures named Akuma so to save their souls (they are made from dead people with dark magic or something). though it kinda reminds me of FMA and bleach because the character looks kinda like Ed Elric, and he has a special arm thingy. and the people that works in the organization kinda reminds me of the alchemists. and Bleach, the similarities are like, the exorcists = shinigami, Innocence = zanpakuto, akuma = hollows (akuma also has levels and evolutions), and the akuma is a thing produced from dead people. though D.Gray-Man's setting is more modern than one of Soul Society's. all in all, this anime is quite nice, I think I'm getting hooked XD. hope it wont be disappointing~

oh, I've also just finished reading the latest Claymore manga chapter. hum...its getting more and more complicated, with a new arrival of scary creatures. cant wait to read the next chapter~

hum..what else do I wanna say? its like so annoying when you're speechless when you want to write something, but when you cant write it down, the thoughts all coming down on you.

anyways, i think thats all for now. jaa ne~

the darkness in Earth Hour

yup, yesterday, my apartment has also joined in on the Earth Hour, one hour of no lights.

so i went for a nap, like i planned to nap from 8.30-9.30pm, buut, seemed like I've slept all night long. and my report editing hasnt finished too!

Maybe its just because Amy and I played badminton yesterday, its really tiring. coz in Volleyball there are 5 other people with you, so you have less chance to get the ball, while in badminton you have to chase the shuttlecock yourself. besides, in volleyball, if you're just a beginner you'll get lesser chance getting the ball than the "all-star" players, yup, thats their name. like, a guy who's one of the all-stars even said to someone else, like, "X, cover that area so we can overcome the weakness". Yes, I was at that area. Yes, I was the weakness. sheesh, I know I'm just a beginner and I'm not good at all at volleyball, but calling me a weakness, behind my back, in front of my face? it just feels kinda like a stab to the heart. oh well, i just felt kinda annoyed at that time, I would never let such things slow me down. i still love volleyball too~ hehe

today, i woke up quite early, continued editing the project and stuff, then went out to sushi king for lunch. totally love that place! XD then had a walk, window shopping and just had fun. the pic is blur coz Mel's scared of getting told off by the shop owner XD

oh and the red jacket that i've been eyeing is having a 50% off!!! SADLY, the jacket didnt fit me well!!! i felt like crying T.T! and Primavera was having a sale too! i love a white pair of leather mary-janes but the shoes didnt really call out to me, like they're NOT the ones. when there're the ones, you know you'll just HAVE to buy it! but its okay though, im trying to save money for my new clothes anyways.. hee hee hee~

oh, and last Thursday we had dermatology quiz. because its MCQ kinda quiz, I dont think I did too well. then Friday we had the end of posting exam. Dr. Annuar was the coordinator of the posting, so he was there~ he's SOOO cute too! X3 too bad its probably the last contact we had with him. he's leaving UNIMAS soon :(

anyways, tomorrow's Monday! my least favorite day of all days, except when there's a public holiday on Monday, that I like! so yeah, tomorrow we're going to a polyclinic. I've been there before in my school days, not the place i'd like to go as a patient. too many people, too long of a time to be spent waiting for your number to be called, doctors prescribing paracetamol to almost anything until there was a rumor going at our school that the paracetamol at the polyclinic was about to expire, so they're giving it away to people XD! how ridiculous!

so yeah, better read some things now, wont wanna do too many things at the last minute XD

placebo??!!

yup, Dr. Voon administered small doses of antihistamines to 2 of the patients today who had no allergies! one came with lumbago & sciatica and the other one with Meniere's disease. he said its just for placebo effects. nan de kore??! Personally I dont think its okay to like, cheat the patient, take advantage of patients' lack of knowledge and charge them for some unnecessary treatments?!

yeah, placebo effects have been reported in studies to be helpful to the patients. buuut! he has given the patient painkillers for her back pain, and i dunno what he prescribed for Meniere's disease, so why did he still have to do the placebo thingy? i mean like, with the pills that really work, why do you need to give placebos? I think its not helping! is it really useful/necessary in these cases? wakaranai!!

I dont think I'd be a GP too, like, all they think about is money. and they only know things in a broad-spectrum basis. they're a laughing stock for the specialists, like the specialists always blame them for wrong diagnoses, for prescribing the wrong drugs or something, and scoffed at them, like 'where did you get this drug?' "from a GP" 'hmph, no wonder!', something like that. yeah, not all GPs are money-minded or useless, some of them are pretty good because they covered a wide range of medical knowledge and are really good.

still though, after being attached to this particular GP, i guess it kinda opened my eyes to the other part of world. kinda made me reminisce about my pre-medical student life where i believed and trusted EVERYTHING from people who had MD behind their names.

hum...im not saying to the society that we shouldnt trust doctors, im just saying that, in this medical field, patients put their trust wholeheartedly to doctors and they believe doctors can like, heal everything. so doctors shouldnt betray their trust, ne?

food fair and the haunted room!

hi hi, today, my group and I had a discussion for our district posting project. so I went to the fac at like 9.30 am. we discussed for a while and stuff, and there it was, the food fair!!

i've really forgotten about the food fair! XD so, i was pretty hungry because i was rushing to the group meeting and hadnt get the chance for breakfast, so Aliaa and I went to look around. there were stalls with food, drinks and desserts. they're all made by our juniors. I bought some chicken nuggets, fries, fruit salad and some drink, they're pretty awesome!

and there were also a car wash, aaand.. a HAUNTED ROOM! they cant really make a haunted house! XD

so yeah, i thought like, oh well, the ghosts would just be our juniors, so it wont be THAT scary! but when its our turn to enter (they allowed us four to enter), i saw the darkness in the room and i just FREAKED out! I wanted to run but Mel dragged me into the room, so I was like a child screaming while dragged into the haunted room XD. its all pitch black in the room, and they arranged the room so that only one person fits the pathway, so I was in the middle, clutching tightly at Amy's shirt. oh god, i was freaked out, the ghosts really did a good job! the lighting was awesome and the sound effects was really real and stuff. though some of the ghosts tried too hard and that didnt scare me anymore. the scariest thing is the body covered in a white cloth lying right at our side! and its crying! its SOOOO freaky!

this is the pic at the exit (i kinda look like a deer caught in the headlights XD). I was not that scared anymore so Mel took a pic with me and one of the ghost XD. in this pic, sure it doesnt look too scary, but the real room is soooo dark and because of my phobia, my rationalization that those are just my juniors all crumbled up and vaporized XD.

so yeah, turned out that we're the loudest group. we just couldnt stop screaming and laughing at ourselves! XD its SOOO much fun! though I'd NEVER want to do in a haunted house/room or whatever anymore! NEVER! all in all, it was really scary but fun XD.

the end of dermato era

last friday the 13th was our last dermatology posting! i wont miss all the busy schedule, but for its worth, i'd miss it terribly!!! i'd always like that in almost all postings. like i'd whine about how hard it is and whatever but i'd end up missing it when it's ended.

oh, and last friday, I did the seminar presentation. my group presented on common fungal infections. we had some errors on the topic division, and i ended up presenting only 9 slides of presentation. i did the aetiology and classifications of the fungi, while Mel did most of the topic, like 30+ slides and whilmore and izham did like 20 or so slides. its all because our seminar had been shifted forward so we just had like a day to do the seminar, so when we realized the error of the division, its already 1 in the morning. though, we did pretty well and i got 4.5 out of 5 marks. fancy that! ^.^

oh and at the last day of dermatology posting, we had fun at the laser room. because "the boss" wasnt there, so we played around with the goggles. its pretty fun and i really like the pink ones!! X3 and because we've just watched Watchmen, we kinda felt like those superheroes wearing those goggles XD! fyi, different goggles are used for different laser wavelengths. and Dr. Pubalan made us take out our hands and he pointed the laser at each of our hands. he used 1.7, half of the patient's for tattoo removals, and it felt kinda like an electric static! and i had a red spot on my hand! however, no need to panic tattoo-removal-patients, they use topical analgesic before the procedure. also Dr. Pubalan showed us what the laser did at different wavelengths on a wooden tongue depressor and it was really cool!

anyways, here are our pics~~



lol, dont we all look cool (and silly) XD

vacation is a faraway dream *sigh*

hi hi! yeah, its been really busy! dermatology is quite a busy busy posting. loads to read, loads to revise -.-;;
however, today, the afternoon class was postponed, so my friends and i went to watch "Watchmen". its a superheroes movie, directed by "300" director. hum.... i dont really like this movie. i dont really get it. all i know is, its mainly focused on human's ugly natures, corruptions and there were loads and loads of violence. i dunno, i just dont get some of the parts. urgh! so not worth my afternoon and money =.=

though sometimes it crosses my mind that maybe annihilation is a way to help this world. kinda like hitting the restart button. cleansing the earth from scums and all. then again, the question would be "who deserves to remain alive?" and "who deserves to be erased from the world?", thus making the whole process a lot harder than the idea. whatever, it could get deep. i dont wanna get too much in it for now XD.

and, yesterday and today, it rained. the weather got reaaally cold. now too. in the evenings, when we played volleyball, the sky went really dark, the wind were blowing, there were lightnings and thunders, and some drizzle too, sometimes. its kinda freaky but fun to play in such weather XD. feels like the scene in twilight where the vegan vampires were out playing superpower softball with supermassive blackhole in the background XD. oh, and i've improved somehow, its so cool! ^^ and my arms hurt less now though they still hurt a little bit now and then. weird ne? like, our body can adapt to such change in a really short time?

aanyways, i have an aim to like, learn as many sports as i can, and so far i've learnt:
1. netball
2. basketball
3. badminton
4. pingpong
5. volleyball
6. futsal (only played in a tournament once and its pretty funny XD)
7. bowling (is this even considered a sport? XD)

hum..what else? cant think of anything. ah, i'll just update the list later whenever ^^v

oh and my brother Noem, got 8 A's and 2 B's for his SPM. though he did not beat my results, thats quite good. congrats to Noem-chan~

so yeah, think i should update my bloggie before finishing my seminar presentation and going to sleep on such fine weather~ ^.^~~

volley and crocs

just wanna steal an entry from Mel's blog about this tournament: http://childishlyclumsy.blogspot.com/2009/03/volleyball-unimas-inter-college.html

this happened like last week XD, but its a memorable day. my friends and i have gone there to give supports to our guys and girls teams. the guys were quite butchered by the other faculty's teams. but the girls won, but they only managed to get 3rd place at the finals the next day. I have a strong feeling that because we didnt go there the 2nd day to be the cheerleaders XD, thus, they didnt have the drive to win. fear our cheering skills!!! a~la~la~la~la~la~la!!!! (the war cry!! you have to say it really loud and fast, and you've got to have freakily quick tongue movements XD)

oh, and the Jong crocs farm visit pictures that I've said I wanted to upload but I never get to it XD
http://childishlyclumsy.blogspot.com/2009/02/one-day-off-and-we-went.html

sorry Mel, because Im too lazy I have to resort to such plagiarism XD.

back from the dead

the death of my internet, that is! the college's internet has been down for a loooong time! seems like the technicians are just sitting around eating donuts instead of taking care of the internet thingy =.=

and, few days ago, my broadband internet has also gone haywired. sometimes it couldnt connect at all and sometimes the connection was really slow that i cant even download a simple JPEG image. *sigh* thankfully, yesterday a miracle happened! so yeah, im glad its working now. i havent updated my blog for a week. a LOT has happened and if i was to write all of them, they might sound like a verbal diarrhea XD.

so so..the important stuff, hm...

Pet Society! I'm totally addicted to this game. I've reached quite high of a level now *yay me!* and I just need to collect some money coz I want to buy furnitures and a hat for my pet~~ ^^

oh, and its been a week over since we got back from Serian. I miss the waterfall!!! I miss having the convenience of jumping into the cool water whenever we want because of the hot weather!! and now, I'm in dermatology posting! its like one of the busiest posting EVER! clinic and class from morning to evening, every day! and the doctors there are quite strict. great doctors always are! dermatology is quite interesting, despite the busy and tight schedule. we've got to see loads of cases, interesting cases. skin problems are really common among us. sometimes people go to alternative way like going to beauticians or traditional medications, and end up getting worse and present to the dermatology clinic with all the complications. its really sad that not many people have the awareness to seek medical treatment, and it can be treated easily if detected early. like this one case, an elderly woman, with psoriasis. she lives with her husband in the rural area, quite far from the hospital. and she missed the appointment by 3 weeks because her children couldnt take her to the hospital (maybe transport or money problem? also lack of knowledge of the disease). then she presented to the clinic with erythroderma, the psoriasis has affected more than 90% of her body, and also her eyelids, affecting her blinking, drying her eyes, making it more susceptible to infection, leading to inflammation, leading to pain and discomfort and could be complicated by ulcerations. she is also very thin, weak and has to be on a wheelchair. also she seems to have advanced cataracts, so she couldnt see. Dr. Felix referred her to the ophthalmologist, and she's admitted to a hospital nearer to her house. i really feel sorry for the old lady. kinda like, regretful that a preventable thing is not stopped and now its kinda hard to reverse all that.

moral of the story: seek treatment early!

but, in this part of the world, not all people can afford the medical bills. many of them cant even afford the transport fees from their home to the hospital since they cant afford to buy their own vehicles and their places are like hours, some even take half a day just to make it to the hospital.

and we have to understand their ignorance of the diseases. maybe the health education here isn't so extensive? many of the people still believe in animistic doings. its when its already too late that they go to the hospital. so you cant really blame it all on them. they dont go to medical school.

its kinda sad to think that a lot of people are in dire need of health education and medical treatment but they couldnt get it. hope this can change in the future.

anyways, i've been learning to play volleyball, and i've been playing it almost every evening for the past week. i can serve pass the net now, and i've just got to improve on getting the ball and stuff. its pretty fun! we always laughed a lot, i think thats the most tiring thing XD. except for a killjoy, he's like taking things too seriously and stuff. he even said that its weird that we're always laughing. like, wth?! he's the mostest most boring guy EVER! i hate being in the same team as him, he's always asking other guys to get the ball because he gets upset whenever i couldnt get the ball. like, how am i suppose to learn that way?! its like he's sucking all the joy in the air. and he's not all that good :P. well, minus him, im loving volleyball! the other guys are all funny! and though my arms are bruised now, they're not as painful as when i first started playing. God! that was torture! my arms were all swollen and i was like screaming everytime i hit the ball (screaming inside XD). when the pain subsided though, the joy comes~~ XD


oh oh, finally, its Maulidurrasul today, its the celebration of the birth of Prophet Muhammad pbuh~

thats all for my long update. gotta read something tonight. jaa ne~!

my boring update..hu hu hu

Its been a while since I updated this blog. I've been SOOO busy and SOOO lazy! that almost sound oxymoronic! well, if I wasn't busy, I got lazy..hehe

anyways, firstly, last week, Ragnild suddenly asked if I wanted to go to Japan for the medical elective. I gave it a thought and figured that oh well, it won't hurt to try, and I'd LOVE to see Japan! it'd be nice to get away, experience something different and all. *knocks myself in the head for not thinking about this like, months before! >.<* so yeah, sent an email to Tohru-sensei from Jikei Byouin, waited in angst, 3 days later he replied that there is no more spot for the elective. how do I feel? of course a little disappointed. but of course there are its pros and cons. maybe there is a silver lining in the clouds in Terengganu, maybe the grass is greener in Terengganu. hu hu hu hu second, I've been super lazy!!! the internet connection is so freaking slow, its killing my mood to do online stuff. I'm lazy to upload pics from Mel's camera to my compies. I'm lazy to race at the stadium in Pet Society because sometimes I raced perfectly but some cheating pet raced past me at the last minute *so unfair!! >.<* but I'm kinda poor in PS..huhu..

third, last tuesday, my friends and I went to Jong's crocodile farm and in the afternoon we went to Ranchan waterfall again! XD we watched people feeding crocodiles and the really HUUGE arapaima gigas fish (we also fed them some bread!) and tour around the place. there are other animals too. i couldn't resist poking a crocodile with a stick! it was lying around, sun bathing when we came. I saw a long stick lying right there, and its other end is near the croc. I poked it at the head, it did nothing. when the stick touched its hand *really gently!* it got *RAWR!* it was really scary! thank god we're at the other side XD. other than that, we played with some rabbits, birds and other animals. I don't really like the condition there though. some places are dirty and i didnt really see food inside the cages. could it be a big case of animal cruelty?! i hope not.

then because the day was freaking hot, we went to Ranchan waterfall. we swam around, I was getting the hang of swimming with a float. hehe. I was feeling foolishly daring to climb on the waterfall. even though its just a small waterfall, the current is still quite fast and the rocks are slippery! I had a little accident where my feet slipped when I wanted to climb down! I scraped my right elbow and my legs. its really painful! thankfully Qish was there and he saved me from tumbling down the rest of the waterfall thingy. and then at the lower level, I jumped! its like scary and exciting at the same time. whats fun without the exhilarating adrenaline rush?? (even though its just a small jumpXD) hehe.. all in all, its FUN!

so yeah, as time flies, its quite surprising that we've been in Serian for 3 weeks. it felt just like yesterday that we just moved to the house. Mel, Amy and I went out just hanging around just now. we reminisce our past, like some memories when we were in the previous year. it felt really weird that by this June, we're entering our final year as a medical student, should there is no obstacles.

hum...so yeah, thats all i guess.. cant think of anything else to write in here. I want to add some pics but I'm lazy. maybe tomorrow. sheesh! procrastinating and being lazy again....

...in....dire...need....of....retail....therapy...!!! X3

Ranchan and the gloating

I'm so sleepy right now, I had on call just now until like 11 pm. then we went for dinner at a new place. and i got some flies in my fries! >.<>.< style="font-style: italic;">Only THEN, they did renal punch, and only THEN, they changed the diagnosis from acute appendicitis to acute pyelonephritis.

and of course, I'd like to brag that I did better than that doctor. haha!

so, thats all for now. oyasuminasai~!

he who taught us how to think

hehe.. today's outcome is unexpectedly good. Dr. Annuar has made our lives chaotic for the last 24 hours. the time before he came, we studied and studied like we're about to go for an exam. mistakes are not tolerable.

however, today, he strode in, smiling. we're still apprehensive though. who dares to not be afraid of Dr. Annuar? XD

we discussed only 1 case today, Sarah's case. its about UTI with uncontrolled diabetes mellitus. he could challenge every answer that we gave him. its kinda interesting to see his way of thinking.

and he also shared his experience with our faculty's politics. though I dont really know about politics and stuff, I've heard gossips about those big men in our faculty. actually Dr. Annuar has been told to be the bad evil guy because he questions those men a lot and he is not afraid to express his opinions about things that he deem not right. and hearing to his side of the story, i think there is truth, and i cant help but think that those men in our faculty are pretty narrow-minded and its a loss to let go of Dr. Annuar. he's leaving UNIMAS by this June maybe. though his classes are terrifying, we could learn a hell lot from him.

so yeah, he spent quite some time talking about those stuff today. i feel quite enlightened to the situation XD. i think he's a good politician. he knows how to speak and defend himself. i love how he's so confident of himself, he's the epitome of a hot shot cardiologist with the god-complex! and somehow it suits him, like he deserves to have a god-complex, in my opinion XD. powerful people are awesome!

uh..sounds like I'm having a Stockholm Syndrome, in a way that I'm taking sides with the supposedly evil guy? XD

oh oh, and i love the way he "worships" this profession, saying that being a doctor is a noble profession. doctors should know how to discipline yourself and how to lead. however, patients always come first, and we'll have to respect the patients and treat with a smile ^_^. but we'll definitely be sacrificing our lives.

because all the ranting about UNIMAS, also something about Malaysian politics that I'm so ignorant about, some Sibu politics? (whats with the guys and politics??!), he didn't have time to go for the wardround and see all the patients (thank god I didn't have to present!! XD)

so yeah, i really love the class we had with him today. yeah, he's still sarcastic and he said things as it is. and i still can remember how terrifying he was when he was teaching us in our 3rd year. I remember the whole week with him was pretty chaotic. so, Im really thankful for the "sunshinyness" today. definitely a motivator to be the best doctor. hope the motivation will last! hehe

butterflies in my stomach

Hi, long time no see~ My friends and I went back to Kuching last weekend, and turned out that the internet at our apartment is having some problem :(. so, this weekend, I spent my time going out, shopping, eating and playing the Sims 2. I killed my vampire husband, I forgot it was daylight so I didnt have him sleep in the coffin. its pretty sad. it took me quite some time to find a vampire.huhu

anyways, tomorrow, a guy will come and visit us. he is a powerful man, very self-assured. he makes my heart goes faster everytime i think of him. i feel butterflies in my stomach at the thought of his face. the sound of his voice sends shivers down my back. i can't sleep well. i've lost my appetite. and he's my motivation to go to the hospital and clerk cases.

no, im not in love. hehe (how melodramatic)
im very terrified of this man.

he is one of what my sister called "the malignant lecturers". he has very high expectations of the students. he is not afraid to show his distaste in our stupidity, our laziness, our faults. he is coming for like just a few hours tomorrow and yet he has totally made us go haywire. im like, so terrified that i've thought of taking some digoxin at our pharmacy visit today. well, maybe just one, and in front of a cardiologist. hehe.

the pic taken by my so-last-year-phone-with-VGA-camera. hehe

well, the positive sides are, he is a very good lecturer and when he is in a good mood, you'll learn soooo much from him. and like i've said, he is the motivator for us to wake up and start working! if a lecturer's too nice and lenient, we would definitely turn into lazy stupid useless medical students.

anyways, for us, its like a huge crisis. I dunno why exactly are we really horribly terrified towards this one man. like, he's just gonna scold us, and make us feel like crap. this will only be like for a few hours tomorrow and he's gone at the end of the day. its not like we're gonna die! and yet we kinda feel that way. maybe being verbally abuse is worse than dying? or is it because our seniors and colleagues have been spreading and exaggerating the fear towards him until we all have folie-a-deux, culminating PHOBIA towards him. hum...maybe. or maybe it really is the result of his verbal abuse that we're so scared and scarred of him.

well, all in all, we're busting our heads off today, i clerked almost all patients in the female ward because I've been forcefully appointed as a sub-group leader and I had to allocate every patient for each student. and we have to polish back our rusty physical examination skills after months of the other postings.

tomorrow, we are ready to by martyrs. so it feels like.

Summary of life from the old living.

Hi, haven't been here in quite a while. I don't really know what to say. and college's internet has gone haywire sometimes, so its really annoying.

Hum...last Thursday, I was supposed to present a case on a bedsite teaching, but Dr. Ye took a long time discussing another case, so I was exempted from presenting my case. My case was pretty interesting. My patient is a 67 year-old English man. Its fun clerking him, I love English accent!

However, before that, I clerked an old woman, she was brought to the nursing home by her siblings because she got sick, immobilized, and no one to take care of her at home coz she's single and she lived with her elderly sister before.

I guess by looking at old people, its kinda like looking at the summary of life. I dont really know how to explain, its just I really feel like that when looking at them. Its like, they have lived.

Starting from young - wanting to explore and try everything there is in the world, sometimes even wanting to be everything they're not (teenagers nowadays btw), they're just like immature babies who are not ready for the real world. they crave for freedom, thrill and they want to express themselves to the whole world. everything is in the fantasy land. they dream, hoping for the happily ever after. they are in search of their own identity.

then came the adult stage, where some people go wiser, more mature. they have learned things from their teenage life. they become more aware of the reality, the cruelty of real life, and they become more responsible.

finally, the old age. things have settled down. some life goals have been accomplished. everything is going settling down. strength, agility, metabolism, any drives mostly reduced. then came weakness, frailty, diseases and disabilities. they then, have to be dependant on people to take care of them. they now also have to pass the torch to the younger people to live on and whatever.

so yeah, thats like, my view on summary of life. of course I could be wrong, not all people would go through what I've said.

my point, they have lived. they have been through like, a hell lot of things. I don't really like the fact that a hell lot of old people have been neglected/abused. I remember a family did it when I was little I visited their house some times. yeah, they feed her and stuff, but they don't really talk to her and sometimes they made offensive jokes about her in front of her! I couldn't do ANYTHING at that time, its so sad to think about. I could have, I would have changed things if I was me now at that time. Its just so sad that they could do such things to people who're the very essence of their own existence.

yeah, of course its really hard to take care of the elderly. the most important thing is sincerety in doing those works. its life, its supposed to be hard.

so yeah, there i go, ranting about geriatrics. I just finished my geriatrics presentation on stroke. even though its just a 2-week-posting, it sure is a subject thats not to be taken for granted in real life.

welcome to the golden ages (warga emas)

Today's the first day of Geriatrics posting. we had introductory lecture and also a tour to the Lions' Nursing Home. Its quite okay. I'm kinda having a monday blues today *sigh*.

the tour was okay. the old people were treated quite nicely there. however, I wouldnt ever want to be in a nursing home when I'm old! Its kinda distressing to be bed-ridden or incapable of taking care of oneself. and many old people got really thin they're like emaciated, probably from atrophy of the muscles from lack of use. I wanna be healthy, intelligent and still kicking ass eventhough I'm 100!

Anyways, like I've said, having a car is like having a baby. when its sick, you've got to bring it to a doctor. and Venus got some water from the flood in her, but thank God the engine's not affected. So, Sarah and I went to find the mechanic to, i dunno, clean things up. and there's not many mechanics that we know of who handles with the cleaning of flooded cars, so its reaaaally reaaally hard to find one. so sarah and I drove to a ordinary car wash, thinking they could just vacuum out the water or something, but found out they couldnt do anything about it, then the guy there gave us directions to another place, however, the directions lead us to nowhere, and we had to turn around and drive and drive and drive. then we went back to our college, and En Ismuni gave us another directions to another car place, and we drove there, got lost, drove and drove until we found the place. however its filled with the suspicious looking, you know, kinda like wasted drop-outs (im sorry to be discriminating, but first impressions are kinda important), and we got out of there after hearing they wanted to peel off the carpets to clean up the water (it really does sound creepy!).

then, we called Dr. Aliza, and she helped us to get a mechanic whom she's trusted with her car since forever, and we drove and drove and drove again until we found the place. found out they're gonna peel off the seats and carpets to clean up the mess. however, the guy was pretty friendly, and since the doc trusted him, so we decided to go for it. its really kinda distressing to see our car being like, torn apart! >.<>.<;

All in all, today is a very looong, looong day...