stealth, stress and survivor

ahaha~ this video is shown to me by my bestest friend ever, Ida-chan!

@ Yahoo! Video

sooooooooooooooooooo kyawaii~!! X3

okay, I dunno what happened, but I've posted an entry last night! and now its gone?? >.< style="font-style: italic;">we talk about unnecessary stuff and actually asked, if the pain of wearing heels worth it all? *gasp* of course it is! lol, the difference, omoshiroi da ne? XD

and today, mel and i saw a black Nissan Fairlady Z in action!
its SO freakishly super beautiful and elegant. its in the rain and its soooo lustful! i SO want that car! (oops, sorry Venus! i still love you the most! XD)

and finally, survivor. i've been hooked to this series since forEVER! I remember watching the first ever season when i was still in high school. it was a tough life, but my friends and i still wouldnt miss it no matter what. *sigh, such reminiscence!*

anyways, i've just finished watching survivor cook islands, and its super AWESOME!!! I love Yul and Ozzy the most! Yul's more to intelligence, he's the "puppet master" while Ozzy's more to the physical fitness, where he's "virtually unbeatable" in any challenges. he's like the jungle boy! he can swim like a dolphin and climb stuff like monkeys. and at first the tribes were divided according to the race (asians, caucasians, african american and latinas). and it has the most exciting challeges. and it showed that the underdogs can kick ass!!! the moment when they stick together and rose above is just sooo memorable! one of my most favorite season of all.

and gabon is one of the best of course. i love the twists and all. TOTALLY unpredictable! i really think Bob deserved to win, he's like a genius! (amy please dont read this!)

anyways, i think thats all. I NEED TO STUDY! what can anyone do to make me study??
urgh, im logging off now. jaa!

the red sky and my sketch

last night, I went to do my laundry at 2.30 am and I looked up at the sky, and its really beautiful. The sky was almost reddish from the lights of the city. Its pretty creepy but beautiful in a sense. Its really calming and I just watched the sky for a minute or two, just appreciating the beauty of the night. I took some of the pic with my digicam, and I had to use the twilight mode to capture the redness of the sky. the auto mode just made it appear all black. the twilight mode shoots pictures in lowlight with slow synchro flash. i took some shots and i thought, if people on the road saw my flashes, they'd freak out! XD

though in my pics, the sky is much redder, and through my eyes, the sky's more pinkish and maroonish. of course, its prettier in real life ^^.

and this is my latest sketch. enjoy~

Liar!

People always lie about not lying! Well, I got this quiz from Mel's blog, and I got:

You Are a Great Liar

You can pretty much pull anything over on anyone. You are an expert liar, even if you don't lie very often.

Are You a Good Liar?

Hm..yeah, lying is a psychology game. Not everyone's good at it. But I can pull it off pretty good. Btw, the quiz is true, I don't lie very often, because even if the truth is ugly, I feel like its what people should get. They will hurt when they hear it from me, but at least its the inevitable truth, it wont hit them too hard when they figured it out later. or something like that.
Its not like I'm lying all the time, I only lie in "emergency" situations, like when facing a strict school teacher who's about to punish me so bad for a little bitsy of a rule-breaking! and for fun, when I was teasing my friends (sorry, guys! its all good time XD). So far, I think I havent done any huge damage, yet. If I had, its not memorable..hum...cant really remember. ah well, its all good now XD.

Teresa - REVAMPED

hola~! I'm here to show off my latest creAtion!
Teresa - Revamped!!
My design inspiration is from the glam lolita look. It just hit me one day, and I went "lets just make this happen!". I've got it all in pink shades, with feathers, laces, ribbons, sequins and some nets. and the magic happened~! ^^

I'd like to thank all my friends, who've been so supportive of my creAtion (yup, you have to say it "cree-AY-shun" XD), thanks for all the compliments and not saying that I'm manic or something for doing this outrageous thing out of sudden! XD

So yeah, I'm VERY happy with the final result. and I've proved to myself that I CAN do this. I can dream, design and make it work! I love me~

XOXO,
Liyana-chan

Oh My God!!!

Survivor is THE best!!!!
I'm so PSYCHED after watching epi 12! Its THE best strategy ever! OMG its just SO exhilarating!

Can't wait to see the finale! I'm rooting for Bob, Matty or Sugar~!

"Good will prevail!" \^o^/

Hot pink mary janes and a death

okay, the title sounds a bit weird, but yeah, its just me to pick key words for my title.
anyways! good news first!
saturday, i had a shopping impulse. bought a pair of HOT pink mary janes with 3 inches heels
yeah, its pretty, its hot, its sexy. however on my first day of wearing it, i have a blister on the back of my left foot. those shoes were really killing me. however, i endured it. i kept on chanting "pain is just a state of mind" in my head. it worked every single time! like, i had to fake a really confident walk eventhough i was screaming inside XD. oh well, its pain in beauty. i totally can accept that XD.

anyways, a pretty bad news. this morning, i woke up to a text message from my friend in KL, informing me of a death of a schoolmate. this person was at the same grade as i was in high school. i dont really know him that much but like, i know this guy, we've talked, its just that, i know this guy! i feel kinda weird to hear that news. you can say pretty melancholic too. its just so weird. like, we're of the same age, his life has ended and here i am, feeling like my journey has just begun and i have loads and loads of plans, loads of things that i feel to accomplish in my future. its just weird and sad.

i dunno much of the details, but my friend said that he died of some breathing difficulties. i think like, maybe asthma attack or something? i dont know the history of his disease what so ever. its just really shocking to hear that he's passed away. its just so sudden! its kinda scary too, in a way that, it kinda reminded me that death is like so near to any of us, that we could be dead any second for any reason. its a really creepy thought. i have loads of creepy thoughts right now that i couldnt even share here. they're just too creepy and morbid.

anyways, yeah, its raining so heavily again tonight. im getting used to this coldness and the rain splatter really calms me down. though i dont really like the lightnings and thunders. especially tonight! there are a LOT of thunders and lightnings. they creeps me out a bit. we even had a black out for a few seconds after a really huge, ground-shaking, ear-cracking, heart-grasping thunder!

so, thats all for now. and im gonna need to study eventhough the rain is like, singing a lullaby to me....~.~

A little part of me...IS LOST

yeah....I've lost it today...some important part of my life..my really beloved possession..the protector of me, my companion when its raining. its something really personal to me.
and its all my fault, i was oblivious..i was too careless! i hate myself! i blame myself! My world is really falling apart at this exact moment.

yeah, its lost, my beloved transparent umbrella!!!! ;>o<; Sarah and I were shopping at India street just now, and I FREAKING LOST IT!!! I dunno where I left it. Its just SOOOO sad. the umbrella is very dear to my heart. I chose to have it, I wanted only it, I needed only it. I dont wanna use any other umbrella! huu...this is very stressful to me. i really, really love that umbrella..huhuhuhu.. yeah, i know you'd think its weird for me to freak out about an umbrella. like i've said, its just so personal to me. i fell in love with it out of sudden long time ago, i searched for it for a long time, craved for it for a long time. and mel went out of her way to get me that umbrella (like, through all the security at the airport). yeah, i cant find it anywhere here. or was i searching at the wrong place? urgh..im just so pissed off at myself right now! its easier when you blamed someone else, you can plot a revenge, you can forgive, you can fight back, anything, is in your control. but when you blame yourself, its just the worst feeling ever. huu..anyways, i got to calm down. thing has happened, and i've got to make the best out of anything thats available. i for sure will get a new transparent umbrella by hook or by crook. that style just clinged at my heart and wont let go! so yeah, for fashion, I WILL crash and burn.

Rainy season!

omg, its been raining the whole day today! and there has been rain everyday for like a week or so! so its been reaaaally cold, we were shivering especially at night, and we got sleepy earlier because the coldness is just oh-so-perfect for sleeping and to be cuddling inside a comforter XD.

the downside is, my clothes have been hanging outside there for like 2 days now! they're not getting dry and they feel so cold because of the rain. thankfully i have the advantage of owning tons of clothes. shopping is the greatest! love you much! X3

oh, and i hope it wont flood again! i dont want to wake up in the middle of the night to save Venus! oh, these are the pics from the flood last time!

anyways, we had a class with our psychiatrist this evening, from 5pm-7pm. i presented a case of bipolar affective disorder, and the doctor said that my presentation was good! however, i kinda spoilt it because i didnt know much about the diagnosis with DSM-IV, which was really frustrating because i know i've read it before! anyways, i got a compliment from that psychiatrist, which was pretty good, i think..hehe

so thats all the update for today. jaa ne~!

drama drama drama

its been quite busy this week, but hey, thats no news, right?

today, Amy and I went to the depot room in the Psych clinic, its where we give injections to the patients. The nurse, Roselina, was reaaaally friendly and helpful. She taught us a lot of cool stuff, showed us how to give the shots and let us did it. I was actually kinda apprehensive that she let us did all the shots, sometimes without watching us. I was kinda scared that we screwed up! Like I was really scared that I hit the sciatic nerve or something. but everything went well, thankfully. and maybe its our lucky day, there were a LOT of patients today, so both Amy and I got to inject around 15 gluteus maximus each XD. gosh, that was really tiring! anyways, a bonus for you guys, since im an expert now XP :
anyways, i have been watching the latest seasons of my favorite dramas here and there, now and then... and im gonna write some reviews about them ^^

(so, spoiler alert!!)

1. prison break
oh, dont let me start! this show is just too awesome, super cool, super hot, just super! its all about unexpected, unpredicted new turns. its just awesome. cant wait to see what The Company would do next to the brothers. also, strangely, i feel quite sad for T-bag. I knew there was something fishy about the bible seller! But, its REALLY hard to figure out who's good and who's bad here. So, its one show that will always make your adrenaline pumping! XD

2. heroes
my favorite mutants! this season's quite complicated. a lot of new characters coming in, new twists, whats with time travelling, the butterfly effect and all, its made to be more complicated and unpredictable. new, more evil villains are introduced, and the previous villain, once went good and now the status is just unknown. omg, and my favorite scene is when Sylar, the freakiest villain ever, was seen in the future, in the kitchen, wearing an apron and making waffles! its just a cute (this term is subjective XD) scene relative to his reputation. it just made me go "kya~! Sylar!" XD anyways... yeah, at first, its a bit boring, then this show picked up its pace and now i just cant stop watching it. i know the plot is a bit twisted and confusing, but its made a really good effort to evoke the curiosity in me, and play with my head, trying to trick me. i love it. i love the unpredictables!

3. survivor
omg! this reality show just REEKS of drama! i love the challenges, where both mental and physical strengths are needed. and to stay in the game, they'll have to play with trust and betrayal. loads of tricks and strategies, alliances, unexpected turns in the game. this show really knows how to really challenge everything there is to the fullest! the contestants just wont know who to trust and who not to trust. and to trick people, needs a lot of creativity and intelligence. like, the Fang tribe, the once underdog of all Survivor history, nearly wiped out the Kota tribe, who won almost all of the challenges before. its just so unexpected. they really know how to manipulate strong people and bring them down.
I kinda like Bob, he's really strong, even though he's old. and he's a Physics teacher, so he's really intelligent and all. and he's really a genius in coming out with a new strategy. unfortunately he's like the only one of the Kota tribe left, I dunno whats his fate next. I kinda like Matty too, because he's like one of the strongest guy there. but they usually would want to eliminate the strong guys because they felt like strong people are a threat. i wont be happy if Crystal, Kenny or Susie won. I dont like them :(.
i've just watched till episode 10 so far, so i just cant wait to see who THE survivor is!

hey babes!! missed me? XD

hi hi!
i havent updated my blog in 2 days and everyone is wondering why! XD
anyways, last weekend, was pretty fun. i got to sleep in and relax. and on saturday, our lecturer, Dr. Aliza has invited us fabulous four to stay at her house.

her house was SO fun! its like my dream house. you've got everything in there.i just love it. and she's got like, TONS of DVDs to watch, so we watched DVDs all the time, we ate a lot (she had LOTS of imported chocs! like, omg!), AND we gossiped a LOT! XD it really felt like a slumber party. its so fun!

and today's back to class. strangely i dont feel any monday blues, which usually unleashed the Ms. Hyde in me, hehe. so yeah, im feeling pretty good. a good relaxing weekend works wonder ^_~

hum..so yeah, thats all for the update now. and after this im gonna have to type up essays for our psycho psychiatrist, we have a class with his tomorrow! T.T

anyways, yeah, im not gonna let that let me down. some people are just like, "omg, this is SO hard, im under a freaking load of stress, im stressed, im gonna die, what am i gonna do, how am i gonna do this, im useless, im stressed, this is impossible..blah blah blah, whatever..." its like, they're quitting even before they try. i just hate whiners!! they could just ruin my day anytime. and people who're afraid to fail so much is just unacceptable. so what if you failed? get back up on your feet and show others that you'll improve and you'll blow them away with your awesomeness. kinda like giving them the final blow..hehe.. so yeah, dont avoid your fears and flaws. embrace them, accept them, manipulate them and change them into your strength.

gosh, whats with me and the motivational speech?? i sound like i have mania! i'd better stop ranting now XD.
so yeah, thats all for now.

energy squeezed dry!

hey hey! i'm so freaking exhausted! this week was one of a hell. i've got to finish my case presentation, presented like crap in front of a super strict lecturer and the whole class, AND finally, finishing the super hard case write-up. oh god, that was the hardest case write-up i've ever made. i dont even feel like its as perfect as i'd wanted to, as my history wasnt complete enough. yeah, thats my payback for doing things at the last minute.

i guess i was underestimating psychiatric case write-ups. its the most pages that i've ever made for a cwu, and the most intriquet ever. maybe its because we had to pass it up to Prof Fadzillah, who would penalize us if we missed any important details in the history and the whole case. so yeah, last night, my friends and i have been working our heads off, typing and typing endlessly, flipping books here and there, and staying up until like 5am. it was really mindboggling. like, i felt as if we're having some exam the next morning. so yeah, even though my cwu is like so crappy, im just relieved that its over, i hope i'd get a decent mark. gosh, im so exhausted, physically and mentally.

oh, and i've blown my chance to go out with my long lost friend!! T.T guess i'll just gotta see her when she's leaving tomorrow. thats the best i could do :(.

so yeah, i dunno why my procrastinating attitude never changes. maybe i love playing with the fire. maybe i work better under stress. maybe i love challenging myself to see how much i can push it. maybe im just lazy :P
yup, i love the thrill. but the painful part is the stress. eventhough its a stimulant, there is always the side effect. kinda like drugs. hehe.

anyways, i've never felt this glad that the weekend is here!!

case presentation

omg, i was so stressed out today because i was gonna present with a strict prof. and guess what?? he postponed it to tomorrow!! and my heart just broke into 2 parts, 1 happy that i have more time to prepare, and the other's like,"wth?? im gonna think about it and suffer for another day??!! >.<"
and just now, i was like, all braved up, i was thinking that every mistakes that im gonna do, its a learning process. but now?? its just like when you have had all the strong defenses all around you and just a tiny crack would send the defenses tumbling down. urgh! i really hate it.

so yeah, i dunno, im really out of my mind here, getting scared of the worst case scenarios, and how i'd messed up. on another note, i'm like, heck, just do it! in other people's eyes, im just another student who's supposed to present a case to the entire class. its my turn, my responsibility, and if i messed up, they wont feel much about it, and they're probably gonna say, its okay, its just a learning experience.

and inside me, im gonna be like all butterflies-in-my-stomach, scared of the possibilities of messing up and getting embarrassed in front of the entire class. while other people just relax, and to them, im just another person doing her job.

so yeah, if i screwed up, im gonna be okay with that. i hope i wont be over-analyzing, just accept my mistakes and learn from them. i WILL be fine (chant 20x) XD

burning the midnight oil, careful not to burn yourself!

yup, i finally finished my slides, though i still have some questions to ask my fellow colleague to make my presentation more complete. because its done at the last minute, i probably wont do so greatly. im ready to be burned at the presentation! banzai! XD

anyways, im kinda glad that all my friends have came back here. being alone is good sometimes, when you want to have some thinking to do, some straightening up and finding answers about yourself. being alone sometimes meaning freedom to do anything you like without having anyone stopping you or anything.

but the downside, being alone could make you feel lonely too. and bored. like, it was almost driving me crazy! and i lost my motivation to do my works and stuff. i really cant be alone for too long. talking and human touch is really important for me. huu~ im just glad everyone's here now!! i've missed you guys and your talkative mouths!! *huggles* X3

Night owl and Discrimination?

Dunno why lately, i've gotten sleepy SO early at night, like, i got sleepy at 10 or something. last time, i didnt even yawn at 2-3 am (so to speak XD). maybe i was just too used to bintangor's life style. we just didnt have much to do we went to bed so early and woke up so late in the morning XD.

anyways, i'd like to voice out something on stereotyping and discrimination. i really hate those things. and yet we stereotype and discriminate and being disrespectful towards others. like our psychiatrist said, "there's no such thing as "fair" in this world. otherwise, everyone would be the same." uh..thats deep, doc, dunno if i can dive that far XD.

the subject is quite sensitive, its just that i cant turn blind/deaf towards this thing. to make both sides happy..VERY tough. this side said, how could you not think of this being offensive to us. and the other said, how could you not understand that this is our belief. so both sides are quite not understanding to each other. im putting myself in shoes of both sides, and i find its hard to compromise, i think. this is just my opinion.

okay, so, tomorrow's the eid al-adha, when the Muslims sacrifice some cattle and the meat is given to the poor. and to some vegan, particularly indians here, some of them are my friends, they're quite offended by this tradition as in their religion cows are the sacred animal. especially when they saw the cows are being tied up in front of our apartment blocks.

true, the Muslims are the majority, but doesnt mean we can just ignore other's belief and being disrespectful. maybe they should have placed the cows in somewhere not so public? though, i know its kinda hard to hide those huge cows.

like, its a fact that animals are being slaughtered for food every single day. but it doesnt mean like, "heck, thousands of animals are being slaughtered already, being vegans wont change anything" and doesnt mean you should slaughter those animals in front of vegans. being respectful to each others beliefs is very important for a harmony unity life thing. also, if like, you're being insensitive/disrespectful towards others, how would you feel if they do the same discrimination to you? it wouldnt be good, ne? and later, it would lead to more serious complications like arguments, being enemies, hatred and those would lead to non-unity (okay, its so late, my brain cant think of the appropriate word XD).

so yeah, i know this is a sensitive issue. im just voicing out my opinions, and the point is, we've GOT to be more sensitive towards other people. so, no offense to both sides. i didnt mean to step on any toes, but if i did, im really sorry!

eid al-adha

happy eid al-adha! its not really as a big celebration as the eid al-fitr. and im celebrating it alone this year, feels kinda sad..hehe

im very unlikely to join the college celebration. i dont feel like being in a crowd right now.

anyways, my long lost bestfriend, Kunnoe, will be coming to Kuching soon! we havent seen each other since like, i dunno, 5 years ago? cant really remember, but yeah, its THAT long! so yeah, i cant wait to catch up and hang out with her and some other friends! ^^

oh gosh, i remember i wanted to say something but i cant really recall what it is. its SO frustrating!! >.<

ah, well, i'll just update if the thought came back to me ^^

I'm bored - LET'S DANCE!

yeah, i felt kinda bored today, i've watched bleach all day long till my eyes were pretty dried up (like when i closed my eyes, my eyes felt hot!), then i cooked for a bit, then i wanted to play some games but dont feel like it. i've played a bit of Diner Dash: Flo through Time, or something like that. its just like the other Diner Dash series but this time they have a dinosaur thats really annoying!! so i dont wanna play it for now.

then i chatted with people for a bit and, Neko-chan told me that she was once forced to dance Hare Hare Yukai from Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuutsu, then showed me the video. and i dunno why, maybe because i was just TOO bored, i was like, what the heck, lets try it! and its quite tough! i can follow some of the moves but some hand movements are pretty fast. anyways, dancing is SO good for stress management! im gonna master Hare Hare Yukai!! >:3

fyi, this is the video reference:

The trust issue

Hi~ I'm all alone now. My besties have gone back home or going to another town. so now, i got to spend some quality time with myself. ^^

as for the stuff that i said about being a confidate/confidantee, i think trust is the issue here. no offense, but love isnt the answer for everything.
its about trust really. and the principle here is all-or-nothing. like you've either got to trust that someone so much you can tell them anything, or you can just tell someone you dont even know (like a psychiatrist XD) about your problems. you dont trust them, but heck, you know they wont spill the beans to the others and they cant do any damage to your life.

the thing about trust, it takes a long time to build and quite a lot of effort for me. i dont trust people that easily. it depends though, like i'd spill my secrets to people who are close to me, or maybe i'd tell someone i dont really know about my secrets because i know they cant affect me. though, having someone you trust to talk with about your problems and secret is one of the most efficient way to relieve stress. i have had some friends that i trusted so much. i practically told them everything, i was totally open to them and all. also, i was so dependant on them. but changes happened. in such a short time, the tie that we made for a long time was suddenly chopped off. all the time and efforts i made to trust those people, all went down the drain. i was left behind, and since it takes me a long time to build another trust, its quite tough for me. i know changes happened, people grow up and all. but for them to completely leave me just like that, its just unforgivable! i think at some extent, its quite meaningless, useless to trust someone too much. and i hate being dependant to others.

okay, im not depressed XD. i just need to sort out my thinking and blow off some steam. yup, im quite sorted out now ^^. now i need to do some planning for the weekened~

hi hi~
its the start of the weekend!! YAY~! ^^
this week surely flew by me reaally fast!

anyways, yesterday, I presented for the journal reading session, representing Group 1. Our topic was something like "group based exposure therapy for war-related post traumatic stress disorder". we only had one day prior to prepare all the slides, and mel and amy have so kindly helped me prepare the slides, even though i usually prefer to make my own slides so i'd understand every word im saying. but thats an emergency case, and im really grateful to amy n mel *domo domo arigato* XD

anyways, the most important point here is... my lecturer, Dr. Siti the clinical psychologist, praised our presentation. she said its really good despite our lack of time for the preparation. im so proud of myself and our group! ^^

aand...right now im watching a bit of Survivor season 17. its really cool! as expected from Survivor!! this time, its held at some place in Africa named Gabon. its one of the places on earth that is still UNTOUCHED! its really cool and beautiful! the greeneries, the animals, the natural structures are just breathtaking. there are elephants, hippoes, crocs, monkeys, chimpanzees, cheetahs and all the other African animals. its definitely one of the places that i'd like to go in the future. cant wait to start working! it feels so good to know that you can dream and the dreams can come true XD

Distance

Hum...I'm supposed to be preparing my slides for presentation tomorrow, but I have this unsettling feeling in my heart.

relationships are really complicated, no matter what it is: family, friendship, love, even enemies. Its just not such a simple superficial thing. I really dont know how to express this jumbled up feelings but im just gonna try. so i might sound a bit confused (like flight of ideas maybe XD)

well, in a relationship, we should know when to get involved and when to stay out. this thin line is really easy to cross over to each side. you can cross this line sometimes but in certain occasions it might result in bitter endings.

we have this defense mechanism which sometimes backfire, which is we sometimes hide our real feelings/emotions. no one really knows the real someone because we cant read thoughts. sometimes i dont wanna get involved with people around me. maybe im afraid of the truth? the closer you get to someone, the more you know bout them. im afraid i could find some reasons to damage the relationship. afraid that getting too involved in emotions would make your life messy and all. afraid to tell people your secrets because you're afraid of what they might think of you. afraid to show your vulnerable sides and look weak.

afterall, the word personality comes from persona which means "mask". everyone wears this.

so yeah, like, i might seem cold and uncaring, but i do care.

its just that both being a confidate and confidatee are pretty tough. finding someone you could trust with all your life and soul is hard, hum....for me that is. sorry i might seem self-obsessed sometimes. i really need someone to knock that off my head XD.

how do you trust someone with your deep dark secrets? how do you get close to people and gain their trust so they can pour their deep dark secrets to you? is it because our culture or our upbringings that doesnt really encourage expressions of our feelings or opinions and thoughts? is it because of our overly strong defensive mechanism? do we care too much of what people think of us? are we just too overtaken by our (maybe senseless) pride?

urgh..i dont know! >.<

hum...maybe its just... me..hehe

psycho psychiatrist

hey hey~ just now we had a lecture on community psychiatrist. our lecturer....is creepy!

points for:
- he's always saying negative things
- he said we don't have feelings
- he said we don't have empathy
- he said we don't know anything
- he said he wouldn't know what kind of doctors we'd become
- he underestimated us!

GOD! he's a FREAKING psychiatrist! how could he say stuff like that?? how could he judge us like that? from that moment i really hate him.

and he made us do homeworks - 3 essays:
1. 10 things patients and their families would want
2. "If I was a psychiatric patient"
3. Consequences of relapses

sheesh! i feel like im back at high school again!

and this morning, sarah and i went to clerk some patients. first sarah wanted to clerk this bipolar patient, but he's in a manic phase, he has grandiose, he kept on talking about the conquerer of China and the sultan of Brunei and the queen would come to him soon. and he said "im very intelligent, no one can challenge me!" and he kept on talking and talking about incoherent stuff. we're like "uh....okay, thanks for your time! bye! @.@" basically we chickened out XD.

then i clerked a patient, she has schizophrenia. she's really co-operative which is cool. but this is my first time clerking a patient after 3 weeks (see how hardworking i am XD) so hum...its not really organized and stuff :P.

Venus~!

In my search for my car names, I think I want to give an astronomical name because I love the astronomical magic XD.

So, I immediately decided to name it Venus, after the planet of love, and the surface of Venus is volcanic, so its hot and fierce. SO yeah, its Venus, my lovely car. She's hot and fierce! X3

Happy Monday Blues!

Hum..its actually already tuesday by now XD

anyways, today, we learned about psychosexual and social psychiatry. The lecture on psychosexual was SO boring, i almost slept (eventhough im the kind of person who cant sleep in a sitting position!). like, hello? he who managed to make a lecture about such interesting topic that boring, must be super BAD! the lecturer talks in a monotonous way, and he never tells us about his experience as a psychiatrist with his patients. i noticed that most excellent lecturers always entertain us with real life examples and their encounter with their patients. that way we can understand better, and yeah, listening about their experience in dealing with different types of patients are REAAALLY interesting! but not this one, he just keeps on firing facts, facts, facts in a monotonous deep voice. its like a lullaby in the class, its like listening to an audio history book! that way i wouldnt be able to retain my concentration for long, and when i lose my focus, i started sketching. i had quite some collection of sketches that i wanna scan and maybe upload them on deviantart by this weekend XD.

aand..social psychiatry, we had a lecture from a foreign lecturer, Dr. Ann Appleton, a psychiatrist from New Zealand. she's doing some sort of research here, and she's been staying here for quite a while. she even got married with a man from my town! anyways, she's okay, she likes to make us do group activities, and its kinda fun. though, we had some problem understanding her weird accents XD at first, and when we got used to it, yeah, we can understand what she's talking about XD.

so yeah, and i've washed Teddy-chan and Chibi-chan today because they're getting really dusty (they kept on falling off my bed when i was sleeping XD) so i wont have anyone to hug tonight! kya~ sabishi yo~ samui da yo~ X3

aanyways, enough of that babbling XD. im gonna watch another awesome epi of bleach then im gonna go to sleep.

oyasumi~!

twilight and the flood

okay, so yesterday, me and my girl friends went to watch some movie. its twilight. as a fan of the vampire genre, i was kinda excited to watch it. but, to my dismay, its such a HUUUGE disappointment. basically, its about vampire x human love. i really hate the dialogues, they're just too monosyllabic and quite meaningless. and the plots, they dont synchronize with each other. its quite boring, dull, and confusing. and there were little or no blood at all, like hello! its a vampire story!! they didnt even show how really powerful and fearsome the vampires could be. basically, the highlight of vampire awesomeness (this is an overstatement) was when they're playing baseball in the middle of the storm. poor Muse, they had their song as a soundtrack for the scene.

oh, one time, the vampire was like, "do you wanna know how we really look like in sunlight??!!" *yelling frantically at the human girl* then, he pulled the girl and ran at high speed to the mountain top, *i was actually had my hopes a bit higher here, anticipating scary gory powerful monster would come out*. but no~! the vampire's skin just sparkled in the sunlight, and the girl said "its beautiful" and the vampire went aggressively (almost to tears, I suppose) "beautiful?? its the skin of a killer!!!" SUPER lame! >.< The only thing Edward's sexy stare can kill was my enthusiasm.

Also, I had to rescue my car from being drowned! You know about the water drainage problem we're having at our college! the water was at my calf-length at the deepest part. it was really crazy! thank God nothing happened to my lovely car! X3

oh oh, i really love Shinigami's Illustrated Picture Book! GOLDEN!! *and byakuya-sama joked about cutting his hair with senbonzakura *SUPER kyaaaaa!!!!* X3*

review on bleach epi 107

im so sleepy right now, so wont type much.
im just surprised that ishida didnt use rao-tan's reiatsu to fire an arrow to kariya. they could have defeated him. then again, of course, its ichigo who would get to beat the boss of the evil guys :P

i just came back from watching Twilight. im so tired and sleepy, so i'll write about it and the flood we had tomorrow. jaa ne!

A new insight on psych

Okay okay, lets let go of the fangirlish stuff and look into something more serious now. You just can't mix business into pleasure (but you can mix pleasure into business XD.

Aanyways! this week we've been to the Sentosa Hospital where they have people with psychiatric problems. on Monday, we've been just visiting the wards there, getting to know the people who work there and stuff. to be honest, i was quite apprehensive and nervous when entering the wards. one of the patients was yelling racist stuff, some were just talking to us, even though the things they talk were nonsense, some were just staring at us. i was HONESTLY a bit scared. probably because its a new environment to me and i have yet to learn to handle the patients.

and just now, in the afternoon, we had a demonstration session where we witnessed how our professor interviewed the patient. its not really like the usual history that we take from medical ward or anything. i think its kinda new and interesting to me. it took me to a completely different level of approach towards people and life.

it hit me, i was unconsciously being judgmental towards some people with psychiatric problems that i've met before. gosh, how shallow i was. how i let my emotional and my pride got over my rational thinking. im really thankful that i got to be in this psychiatric posting. it completely opened up how i think towards others.

what the case was about? its confidential~ *himitsu da yo~!*
(lol, i was just lazy to type actually XD)
but i really have to say, i really, really hate people who succumb to peer pressure resulting in them doing all the stupid stuff that would harm themselves in the end. whats so good about having fun without the picture of you standing strong and proud after defeating your enemies (okay, thats a bit of Bleach influence there XP). SO yeah, I really hate weak people that give in to inappropriate stuff just because others tell him to do so. You have to belief in yourself and do whats best for you yourself. be confident and say "NO". the guy who laughs last win, ne?

so yeah, all in all, psychiatry is an interesting subject. you assess people from the outer appearance into the deep dark secret they have in their minds. its not something that you learn only by reading (though you need a LOT of reading), its all about practice and experience. how to sharpen your communication skill so patient will pour those deep dark secret of theirs to you. build rapports and make them trust you. hum..omoshiroi!

Kyaa~! *bleach fangirl* X3

Hi hi~ I just finished watching Bleach epi 63. I'm loving it SO much!
*except the stereotype parts like
- people who's supposed to be weak gotten stronger than the opponent, and the opponent got surprised
- almost no one cant defeat the captains except Ichigo
- an almost defeated person would have something more powerful up their sleeves
- sometimes it took so long to explain things in battle like "*shocked face* masaka, this reiatsu is so powerful. his speed increased so suddenly i can't see him. and the attack is so powerful, it threw me away. i cant believe he would improve in such a short time. he is at the same level as a captain's. this guy, what the heck is he?!?" me: "just slash him already!! mo! >o<"*

yup, and i just recently love Byakuya-chan. he's so kakkoi~~ i've really gone, "kya~! byakuya-sama~~!!" X3
and the pretty-face, he's so funny! Abarai-kun mo~
*atashi no Gin mo*~


so yeah, even though i've read the manga and known all the story, watching the anime is still really exciting for me.
buut~ in this fangirlish delirium..its kinda hard for me to study!!

all aboard!

yup, this morning, we went on an open ship. its the navy stuff i guess. i did get a bit bitchy at first because we got lost a lot, my fuel was drying up, and i had to wait for some people to freaking eat while we were waiting in a freaking hot car (i couldnt turn on the air-con coz my fuel was really low =.=).

*crabby mode*

anyways, i eventually cooled down, so everything was fine :P.

the open ship thing, its pretty cool. its a huge warship with cool navigators and cool weapons. one of the leading ships with high-technology in Malaysia, or so they said. hehe

I don't really care much about war ships and weapons, though I do love weapons because they're one of the symbols of powers >:D. there were heavy machine guns, missile launcher, and a decoy launcher (the ammo kinda blooms a ship-like stuff, making enemies targeting on the decoy rather than the real ship).

anyways, i had fun getting pictures taken. we had tour all around the ship and we got a glance on how the navy people's life. their rooms are kinda small, with bunk beds, and really chisai no closet, with chisai no shower to toire. (lol, whats with the sudden nihon-go mix??) anyways, it made me feel kinda claustrophobic in the rooms, and the closet wouldnt even fit 1/10 of my clothes DX.

so yeah, basically we walked around the ships, got briefed on stuffs there, took loads of pics and had some drinks with the people.

then we went back and ate lunch together at Tun Jugah.

then went back home. watched bleach for a while, chatted with some people, took a nap, then watched some bleach again, downloaded some claymore & bleach wallpapers (i got really cool Gin's wallies X3) and not studying *guilt-laden! - NOT :P*

so yeah, here are some pics from the battle ship (gosh! i miss the game! and beating someone! *wink wink* *evil laugh*). there are too many pics, which i've uploaded on my facebook X3

i haz koold down

subarashi kimochi~!

heavy machine gun!

Cliffhangered - BAD!

Oh-Em-Gee!!!! Prison Break!! IS TO DIE FOR!

I watched the season 4 up till episode 11, and the ending has the WORST (or the BEST X3) cliffhanger EVER!

Most people would say, usually drama series has the first season thats SO great, but they go downhill further and further at the next and the next and the next season (like Grey's anatomy).

But Prison Break is a whole different story. it always has something different, something exciting in store for you. New suspense, new treachery, new tactics, new strategies. OMG, its just genius, a masterpiece. its the only drama that made me go *gasps!*, *screams!*, *cry!* and of course a bit of *lols* XD

I cant wait to see the next epi! Prison Break, I love you! je t'aime! aishiteru! wo ai ni! X3

psyched for psychiatry~!

This is the 2nd day of psych posting. I LOVE IT!

The prof is quite strict, and he loves asking questions all the time, so we have to be prepared ALL the time. But, i love it! its really challenging and interesting. its like poking into someone's mind.

the hard part is about anatomy and physiology of the neurons and neurotransmitter. neurology is one of my weakest subject because of some certain events that made me lost my interest in neurology when i was learning it in my 2nd year. however! i vowed to master this topic even if i'd lose an arm and a leg XP.

it is also tough that the diagnosis is mostly through observation of the patients and talking with the patients. and the symptoms sometimes overlap with each other. and its not really something that can be confirmed by listening with a stethoscope, or palpating a mass, or percussion of the chest or any imaging (unless the cause is organic). so, mainly, you'll have to be really observant, and you'll have to know how to talk to patient and make patient talk to you.

anyways, the interesting part, yeah, its true that everyone has some mental disorders in varying degrees. mental health really is important in our life, because it affects our entire being.

anyways, this week is all about lectures on introduction to psychiatric problems and such. next week we're gonna visit the mental hospital. heard from our seniors it would be interesting. can't wait to find out about it XD

Girl's night out with Zeal

Huh..internet was down for the last few days. So, I'm updating about what has happened on Sunday. Last Sunday, Zeal, Mel and I went out to the Spring. I wanted to go out with Zeal coz its the last day she'd be here, she has gone to KL for her graduation this week. So yeah, we went windows shopping and of course, like usual, ended up with real shopping. I bought an L shirt and a tank top with a really loooong ribbon behind it X3.

So yeah, we had LOADS of fun! I haven't been able to go for a REAL shopping or anything for the past 2 months or so. What do you expect? They don't really have shopping malls or any place interesting in Bintangor. So, I was really having fun, I was like a recovering alcoholic who has been offered drink and I had craving!

We had photoshoots while trying on some clothes. I love the black coat with the furry hoodie. I called it the rockstar coat because its black, it has a hoodie, it has fur, it has golden studs. I love it! I did consider buying it XD. Then we had ice-creams, then we went windows shopping some more, then we went home. Its been really fun! ^^

Sunday

hi hi. its Sunday. Maybe time for Monday Blues?

oh, i read a review on my horoscope, which was given to me by a friend. its about 90% accurate, except for the children loving part. i dont really get along well with most children. i sent my sis the link, but she said its not really accurate about her. anyways, here is my link:
http://www.astrologyquestions.com/zodiac/zodiac-cancer.html

Tomorrow's we're gonna start the psych posting. We're gonna meet crazy people! (i cant really say that as a medical student. making psych a stigma for crazy/madness is just wrong!)
lol yeah, thats to the extreme. i hope its gonna be interesting. than the community posting. no offense there, community posting is really important. its just the lifestyle/the schedule we were in last time, its just too free and easy.

pros and cons of community and psych posting

community posting
pros: the life was relaxing, nothing much to do, not much classes to attend,
cons: loads of reports to do, its just too relaxing, its kinda boring. exam shock coz we were too lazy while in the posting.

psych
pros: life could be exciting, its a new branch of medicine for me
cons: its gonna be a little hectic adjusting to the schedule after all the relaxing community posting period.

so yeah, im a little excited to see what psych has to offer. i hope its really interesting. i'd love a new change, something exciting, something that would challenge me, something that would make me tick :P

sorry to the community posting, its just an easy lifestyle. its like eating rice everyday, it gets boring after a while. everything is in the comfort zone, no spice, no excitement, no CHALLENGE.

its like wearing the same cloth everyday, its like an old couple that grow tired of each other, its like playing Diner Dash everyday. its easy and its predictable.

i hope this new posting would bring change and some spice to my life.

Post-exam

hi hi~ exam's over for the public health. my VIVA was pretty good, could be better though, i was stammering and all, and my lecturer even asked "what happened to the confident liyana? you look so nervous today!" so i said, "its my first time on VIVA", then he said, "well, get use to it, k" and me, "okay *smiles meekly*"
i was nervous coz i wasnt prepared enough. huu....but uh..i cant change what have happened, so yeah, im quite satisfied with it.

so yeah, after the exam, i've been quite busy searching for costumes for my cosplay. they can be really expensive! and i dont really wanna pay too much for the things that i dont usually wear and stuff. so im looking for costumes that are wearable for cosplay and also for daily wear. i wont mind spending on japanese clothings though, like kimono, yukata, shinigami costumes etc etc, coz i really love them! X3

o kane-sama, please rain on me! i need money to buy clothes or i'd die! XD

hum...for gothic lolita or something normal like that, i'd like to mix and match with my other clothings to create the dramatic or non-dramatic effects that i'd want. dramatic and still wearable. its kinda fun!

oh, and tonight, my friends and i went to watch Madagascar 2: escape to africa. OMG, that movie is just SOOO hilarious! i love it~! and we got to take pics in front of the posters and stuff. and i got to take a picture with the most crushable guy ever. i hope he doesnt read my blog! X3

and something funny and embarassing happened to one of my friends (i cant tell anyone!) but i'd just wanted a reminder of that event here. hehehehe~

1st day of public health exam

hey~
today we had -> MCQ, BAQ, MEQ and OSPE

overall, the exam was quite difficult. i could answer some of them, some of them i wasnt so sure about. so im really scared!

and tomorrow's VIVA!!! i hate it. tomorrow, we're gonna be bombarded with question by our lecturer for 30 minutes! its like an interview! aaaah!!

anyways, during OSPE, we had 10 questions, but we have 20 students, so we had 10 question tables, and 10 rest station! its like, answer, rest, answer, rest....

so, because there were so many rest stations, i drew something on my fingers, waved at everyone else who was in rest station at that time XD (the lecturers were all gone at that moment! just some office people watching over us XD). and i went home and i scanned my hand~

kawaii, ne? X3

Panique!

i really hate waking up in the morning....especially
1. the day before an exam
2. an exam day
3. the day when the results come out.

it would feel like i've never slept at all the night before. i'd keep on having nightmares of the exam and all the facts would haunt me, keeping me at a constant panic/nervous state, which results in difficulty to stay under the subconscious level. i really hate that!

huu...only 3 days to go! ganbatte!!

Panic! at the last minute

urgh! exam is on wednesday!! hello!! wake-up call!

thankfully we've passed up all our reports by today, coz we've been doing the reports this weekend that we didnt have much time to study. and uh...we should have done the reports weeks ago, but yeah... I AM the Queen of Procrastination, Procrastination Angel, Procrastinationist... hum..that has a nice ring to it.. procrastitionist XD

anyways, yeah, I could have finished all the reports in just about 3 days, but i chose to do it at the very last minute. its just who i am..the ugly part of me. i kept on putting boring, full-of-responsibility things off, and i chose to play first.oh yeah, today, i just have the urge to own a katana (the samurai sword). I really want it and i want to learn to use it too! >:D
I love O Ren Ishii from Kill Bill. Her katana is so lovely eventhough she died. She was a cool villain! I so wanna cosplay as her! X3
(edit:oops correction~ O Ren used Shirasaya, a very elegant type of Japanese sword. I love it! ^^)


so yeah, off with the day-dreaming!!
now i'd better go back and study.
huhuhuhuhhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu

I WAS bored :P

yup, i was sooooo stressed out coz of the coming exam and our reports deadline. and the virus infection. and my allergy. they're just driving me crazy. lets not forget some people who have succeeded in annoying me. i dont usually care about other people that much, but these oogerboogers is just driving me nuts. i dont even know if im the target or the collateral damage. they just know how to make me tick!. omg, someone knows my weaknesses!*gasp*

well, its really nothing..its just annoying, like an addictive parasite. you hate them but they interest you. maybe thats just coz i dont have anything much yet, for distraction. urgh, i need to get that over with. lets torture some other people. XD

kk, all those whatever-thingy aside, one of my blog's fans! told me that i've gone on a "MASSIVE BLOGGING". well, i AM back, so, heck yeah I'm gonna go crazy and massive blog! XD

oh oh, and last night, i was so bored, i put on some make up and dressed up as the girly L. it'd be interesting, wouldnt it? well, anything boys can do, girls can do better right? X3

but the pics are not available~ but i'd tell you, i kinda did a good job! but they're just for my darkly-made-up eyes only~~ and my sister's and my besties' and my goodies' (i cant help but to show off X3)

*trying so hard not to think of my unpreparedness to go to the exam battle on wednesday. aaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!*

quizzes

i was bored and i took some quizzes. some hit the bull's eye, but some are just amusing. anyways, yeah, here are some of my results.

Your result for Howard Gardner's Eight Types of Intelligence Test...

Intrapersonal

31% Logical, 18% Spatial, 12% Linguistic, 59% Intrapersonal, 24% Interpersonal, 24% Musical, 20% Bodily-Kinesthetic and 33% Naturalistic!

"This area has to do with introspective and self-reflective capacities. Those who are strongest in this intelligence are typically introverts and prefer to work alone. They are usually highly self-aware and capable of understanding their own emotions, goals and motivations. They often have an affinity for thought-based pursuits such as philosophy. They learn best when allowed to concentrate on the subject by themselves. There is often a high level of perfectionism associated with this intelligence.

Careers which suit those with this intelligence include philosophers, psychologists, theologians, writers and scientists." (Wikipedia)

Take Howard Gardner's Eight Types of Intelligence Test at HelloQuizzy

Your result for "The Real You" Test...

Genuine Realist

Everyone has their quirks and flaws, but you're pretty well balanced for the most part. You're honest when it counts ... You care about yourself, but that doesn't stop you from caring about others, too ... and you know how to have fun without going overboard.

Take "The Real You" Test at HelloQuizzy

Your result for The Mental Illness Quiz...

Diagnosis: Multiple Personality Disorder

42% Depressed, 42% Obsessive, 49% Delusional and 61% Anxious!

Now known as Dissociative Identity Disorder. Dissociative identity disorder is characterized by the presence of split identities or personality states that continually have power over your behavior. With dissociative identity disorder, there's also an inability for you to recall key personal information that is too far-reaching to be explained as mere forgetfulness. With dissociative identity disorder, you have highly distinct memory variations, which fluctuate with your split personality.

“My significant other right now is myself, which is what happens when you suffer from multiple personality disorder and self-obsession.” - Joaquin Phoenix

Its important to know that you are not alone! Help is just around the corner. Make an appointment with your doctor so that he can further evaluate your condition and possibly get you some good pills.

Take The Mental Illness Quiz at HelloQuizzy

Your result for The Badass Secret Agent test?...

Korban Dallas

Where You are... cool simply follows...

It isnt strength that wins in the end. Its finesse and its skill. You have all these and when a fight breaks out. Your badass abilities come out in the coolest way possible. calm under pressure and a million dollar smile to boot.

Take The Badass Secret Agent test? at HelloQuizzy