A Dirty Carnival

Just now I just watched this movie. Its one of the most TRAGIC movies I've ever watched! (maybe coz I don't watch many sad movies) Like, sad is not enough to describe it. its more to like, the epitome of tragedy.

The movie's about the life of a Korean gangster who'd gotten involved in the world of gangsters because he wanted to take care of his ill mother and poor family. However, he got sucked into the vicious cycle. He wanted out, he wanted to marry his childhood lover. He longed for happiness.

Okay, I'm not gonna spoil this movie, and I'm just still sad over this movie. It really IS tragic!

Its a story about loyalty and betrayal, determination, acceptance and love. This movie is kinda weird. for example, it didn't really focus on too much details about stuff, like what really happened after Mr. X died? but I dunno why, the movie just kept me watching it. I was really touched with this movie and the character managed to get me attached to the main actor (he's kinda cute too X3) and root for him. Its just that the movie is really tragic. I'm SO touched, I'm like scarred. I still feel like crying whenever I think about it. I'm probably gonna be scarred like this for another month! Its just so tragic! T.T

thats why I dont really like watching those tragic movies, its gonna keep me down for a long time. maybe I'm being too empathic to the characters. I know its just a movie, but I just cant help feeling sad for them! T.T

tragic tragic tragic tragic tragic tragic tragic tragic
(have the word sounded weird to you? XD)
but seriously, this movie really IS tragic! huhuhuhuhu Y.Y

Honey, I'm home~

There's no place like home~ though I still have to face some black sheeps, but I don't want those insignificant stuff get to me so much.

Anyways, I had trouble sleeping last night, because I was so freaking scared. I had some scary imaginations and it was a hellish long night! Its all because all the apartments at the 4th floor was empty!! It was really scary when I got back from shopping to find myself in a total darkness at the 4th floor! No one can imagine how scared I was! I felt like being alone in a city filled with zombies! I had to turn on the music so loud and distract myself with anything just to keep me sane! A really huge appreciation to those who talked with me on MSN and SMSes~!

I was almost late in the morning because I fell asleep eventually and because I was sleep-deprived, I woke up later that I should be. The first word of the day was "holy shit!" and I rushed here and there to get to the airport XD. thankfully I managed to get on time. Lucky~

and on the flight, I got a seat in front of a boisterous guy, who finds it necessary to yell everytime he opens his mouth. and he got excited everytime he saw something outside the window, like "omg, look at that house, omg, look at that building, omg, look at that oh-so-small-tree-but-it-looks-oh-so-beautiful-because-we're-1000-feet-in-the-air!" *paraphrased of course, I dont even know how high we were XD*. And in the end, I just couldn't stand it, and I gave him a killing look that thankfully shut him up. *go me XD*


oh, and a Happy Chinese New Year to all chinese~ the night has been celebrated with explosions of firecrackers and fireworks all over the city! pretty cool but pretty annoying after a while XD. its the year of the ox (n my Ida-nesan's and haru-kun's from furuba! ^^)

the temper and the stubborn part is SOOO right,btw XD

One bad news is, we might not be able to visit our Chinese family this year because the road has been reaaally freakishly hellishly bad. So, bye bye angpows!! T.T uh, I mean, bye-bye family reunion~!

and due to the wireless internet, I have been having problem accessing some sites (annoying much!!) and I cant sign in on pet society or MSN >.< Its a good thing that they want Mukah to be a whole broadband covered city, but its still in trial, and free stuff always comes with some trouble. I hope they'll be able to iron out the problems soon. I'm still glad we have this slow, stressing internet for free, rather than having nothing.

Anyways, wishing you all a happy holiday~! Lets enjoy ourselves to the max before the torture of college begins again! XD
Jaa~

Confession of a shopaholic

I'm left alone today...like totally left alone! (i'll never ever book a flight ticket at the last minute!!!!)

so yeah, last night, thankfully I have no problem sleeping. then I slept in for a bit. then I got on my computer, but found nothing interesting to do, no one to talk to...

Then...I SNAPPED, yeah, I freakingly SNAPPED! I was like,
DAMMIT! I WANT TO GO SHOPPING!!!!

(the multiple use of emotes proved my abundance of time ~.~)

So, I took off. Today I went to 2 shopping malls, The Spring and Boulevard. Surprisingly, in my midst of adrenaline rush, I was able to get the direction right! *yay me~!* So, I shopped! I bought a black shirt, a really cute trench, a pair of red shoes and 2 pair of pants. I also bought some hair accessories and a handphone strap.

My shopping spree results:



so yeah, a shopaholic motto:
1. buy first, think later
2. life is short, shop as much as you can while you can! X3

hum..and now I need to think of what to do to kill the time...

I'm supposed to be studying, but I'm not :P

yeah, I'm gonna have the geriatric exam tomorrow, but I'm feeling really lazy right now. I resent the exam because last night, I studied in my sleep. Its such a nightmare! Like all the facts were spinning around in my head and it really disturbed my sleep =.=

so I woke up, feeling really irritable. lol, i'm kinda always cranky in the morning anyways. anyways, yeah, I got better by breakfast (thanks mel, for the lovely castard puff~)

kk, I'm gonna study after finishing this entry, k~
I wanna write about the Ting Tings, a British duo. The first song I listened from them was Thats Not My Name, I was at a restaurant that time. and my first impression, I HATED ITS GUTS! I was like, wth? is this even a song? (their music's kinda weird for those who've never listened to them before).

but like, some time ago, I watched an Apple ad, and they use Shut Up and Let Me Go by the Ting Tings, and I was like, lets give it a try! I was getting bored of my music collection anyways. So, I got their album~ It kinda took a while for me to adjust to their music, like its really different from what I was listening to. and now, I love them! Katie's vocal is really cool, their music is unique and catchy, and "shut up and let me go" became my favorite quote XD.

*not for conservative ears who are resilient to changes, and results may vary*

Summary of life from the old living.

Hi, haven't been here in quite a while. I don't really know what to say. and college's internet has gone haywire sometimes, so its really annoying.

Hum...last Thursday, I was supposed to present a case on a bedsite teaching, but Dr. Ye took a long time discussing another case, so I was exempted from presenting my case. My case was pretty interesting. My patient is a 67 year-old English man. Its fun clerking him, I love English accent!

However, before that, I clerked an old woman, she was brought to the nursing home by her siblings because she got sick, immobilized, and no one to take care of her at home coz she's single and she lived with her elderly sister before.

I guess by looking at old people, its kinda like looking at the summary of life. I dont really know how to explain, its just I really feel like that when looking at them. Its like, they have lived.

Starting from young - wanting to explore and try everything there is in the world, sometimes even wanting to be everything they're not (teenagers nowadays btw), they're just like immature babies who are not ready for the real world. they crave for freedom, thrill and they want to express themselves to the whole world. everything is in the fantasy land. they dream, hoping for the happily ever after. they are in search of their own identity.

then came the adult stage, where some people go wiser, more mature. they have learned things from their teenage life. they become more aware of the reality, the cruelty of real life, and they become more responsible.

finally, the old age. things have settled down. some life goals have been accomplished. everything is going settling down. strength, agility, metabolism, any drives mostly reduced. then came weakness, frailty, diseases and disabilities. they then, have to be dependant on people to take care of them. they now also have to pass the torch to the younger people to live on and whatever.

so yeah, thats like, my view on summary of life. of course I could be wrong, not all people would go through what I've said.

my point, they have lived. they have been through like, a hell lot of things. I don't really like the fact that a hell lot of old people have been neglected/abused. I remember a family did it when I was little I visited their house some times. yeah, they feed her and stuff, but they don't really talk to her and sometimes they made offensive jokes about her in front of her! I couldn't do ANYTHING at that time, its so sad to think about. I could have, I would have changed things if I was me now at that time. Its just so sad that they could do such things to people who're the very essence of their own existence.

yeah, of course its really hard to take care of the elderly. the most important thing is sincerety in doing those works. its life, its supposed to be hard.

so yeah, there i go, ranting about geriatrics. I just finished my geriatrics presentation on stroke. even though its just a 2-week-posting, it sure is a subject thats not to be taken for granted in real life.

welcome to the golden ages (warga emas)

Today's the first day of Geriatrics posting. we had introductory lecture and also a tour to the Lions' Nursing Home. Its quite okay. I'm kinda having a monday blues today *sigh*.

the tour was okay. the old people were treated quite nicely there. however, I wouldnt ever want to be in a nursing home when I'm old! Its kinda distressing to be bed-ridden or incapable of taking care of oneself. and many old people got really thin they're like emaciated, probably from atrophy of the muscles from lack of use. I wanna be healthy, intelligent and still kicking ass eventhough I'm 100!

Anyways, like I've said, having a car is like having a baby. when its sick, you've got to bring it to a doctor. and Venus got some water from the flood in her, but thank God the engine's not affected. So, Sarah and I went to find the mechanic to, i dunno, clean things up. and there's not many mechanics that we know of who handles with the cleaning of flooded cars, so its reaaaally reaaally hard to find one. so sarah and I drove to a ordinary car wash, thinking they could just vacuum out the water or something, but found out they couldnt do anything about it, then the guy there gave us directions to another place, however, the directions lead us to nowhere, and we had to turn around and drive and drive and drive. then we went back to our college, and En Ismuni gave us another directions to another car place, and we drove there, got lost, drove and drove until we found the place. however its filled with the suspicious looking, you know, kinda like wasted drop-outs (im sorry to be discriminating, but first impressions are kinda important), and we got out of there after hearing they wanted to peel off the carpets to clean up the water (it really does sound creepy!).

then, we called Dr. Aliza, and she helped us to get a mechanic whom she's trusted with her car since forever, and we drove and drove and drove again until we found the place. found out they're gonna peel off the seats and carpets to clean up the mess. however, the guy was pretty friendly, and since the doc trusted him, so we decided to go for it. its really kinda distressing to see our car being like, torn apart! >.<>.<;

All in all, today is a very looong, looong day...

the window, the rain and the fallen princess

okay, those are just the main characters for my poem. its untitled actually..hehe
urgh..so, here's my so-called poem. like I've said, its the first and only poem that I've ever made, and I made it in English class. its kinda modified a bit after class. its not really good or anything at all. so yeah, here it is, the poem thats made by a 15 year-old-me (if im not mistaken).

the raindrops splatter on my window
I stared out in the drenched scene
Its like the sky is crying
and the night is soaked with its grief
In this lovely powerful darkness
I lie await
Just like a princess on a diseased throne
After being stabbed by the shiny knight of treason
I wait because I'm helpless
I can't rise because I'm hopeless
So, I stay and wish for the vain happily ever after.

I dont even know what was I thinking. like, a diseased throne? sounds kinda morbid XD
so yeah, basically, I was just responding to the scenarios that my teacher said, like, "its raining" = "the raindrops splatter on my window". something like that. i cant really remember the rest. and yeah, i used to hate the rain, its wet and cold and it could make me feel just fatigue, i guess? i kinda like the rain now, it makes me sleep better XD.

anyways, yeah, my special poem, dedicated to the never ending downpour of rain~

Surrounded

brrr..today's like, icy cold! the rain started again at around dawn and has been non stop since! and guess what? our college was FLOODED. its really bad this time, like the water has reached up till the knee. and people have been meeting with loads of animals, like Sandya saw a snake!! how cool is that!! and Chaween saw a quite huge fish swimming around, which sounds cool too! buut..other animals like snails have been dead and floating all around, so the witnesses have said! and a snail even got on Venus! and I stepped on a snail with a really horrible terrifying crunch. I almost faint with disgust! I couldnt even look at it! and the water tape was crawling with worms and snails when I wanted to wash my hands, and its reaaally freaking disgusting! urgh!

and Sarah saved Venus for me! though, some of the water got into Venus and the floor of the front seats are soggy and wet!!! >.< style="font-style: italic;">too much again~ XD

the neverending downpour

yep, it just stopped raining about 1 hour ago at ~1am, and today, the rain was literally falling non-stop. It just fluctuates between drizzles and cats-and-dogs-raining. So the day's reaaaally cold! It kinda makes everyone sleepy and wants to cuddle up under the comforter! X3

Anyways, despite the rain, Mel, Amy and I decided to go out to eat at the Sushi King. I ate Oyako don? kinda like chicken katsu don. but personally I prefer the one in Sushi Tie more! >.< style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0); font-style: italic;">*pick me! pick me*! so we ended up getting like, 4 plates of sushi each (for take away for dinner, we're not that gluttony to eat 4 plates of sushi and a meal set XD) except Mel. And because we're waiting for so long, I decided to go shopping for clothes alone while Amy and Mel waited for the food. hehehe~

little pieces of heavenly tastebuds-twister prancing on the conveyor belts

and at the clothes section, I was immediately sucked into a tempting supermassive blackhole of clothes. or like I said, they also have magnetic effects on me. and hypnotic effect too. whatever it is, I was totally under control of the clothes department. So I bought, not just a shirt, its THE purple shirt! yay me! I really love it! Its like, I can't not buy it! Even though its kinda expensive, its THE one that I want, so I don't really mind. I'd rather get something that gives life to me, than, you know, just clothes for the sake of wearing a cloth. If you get what I mean XD.

and then I went to buy some Big Apple donuts that I've been craving for so long. and I got kinda lost in the mall. I really have no sense of direction at all. Lucky for me, I went on the right way, and found it! I bought 6 pieces of donuts, 2 for Sarah, 4 for me. Look at them..look at those staring, glistening, yummy, tempting, sweet little packages of obesity:
anyways, I can't seem to get online to Pet Society on Teresa lately! Its so frustrating! >.< I have to use Noname (my lappy) to go to PS. Whats wrong, Teresa??

oh, since the rain has stopped, I may have to play netball tomorrow in the College Sports Day. I didn't even know that I was supposed to play until today. and here I was, thinking I had anhedonia because I thought I'd actualy lost interest in netball, and I've never missed playing in a game before if possible. However, I haven't played in a really long while. dunno if i still have what it takes. So, I guess I'll just have to sleep now! and try to play my best tomorrow if I join the team.

and while I was looking at my old stuffs, like stuff and photos from my high school (!!), I found a poem! Like, OMG, a poem by me?? its from our english class, where our teacher, Mdm Aliza, said things and we're to write a poem based on what we feel about the things that she said. She's one of my favorite teacher, btw! Its the first and the only poem I've ever done and I'm gonna post it tomorrow coz now I need to sleep. hehe

so long psych~!

3 sweet things in life: victory, revenge and freedom. today I've tasted freedom. lol, how more dramatic can I get? today's our last battle for the psychiatry exams. needless to say, the questions are supermassively tough. I really have no idea on how well I've done. OSCE has been one of the most horrible exam nightmare! The questions were kinda unexpected, and the interactive sessions, I dunno, I don't think I did well enough. Its like I had some thought withdrawals in there. I just lost the ability of speech in front of prof, and dr. Saw Win, with all due respect, I couldn't really understand what he's saying even though he kinda tried to help me with some questions. Interactive sessions are always scary. They want us to have superb communication skills with the patients. Thus, doctors should know very well how to interact with patients. When dealing with another human being, its always kinda hard, though I know it'd get well with practice. Like some quote from Grey's anatomy, "they made it hard on purpose, because we're dealing with life" (paraphrased). Yeah, we know that, but still, its SO tough!

Psychiatry deals a lot with clerking and observing the patients. History taking is an art that should be mastered, so you can handle patients well. History taking isn't just taking notes on what the patient has said. We have to be investigators, searching for answers and solutions. Its SO not easy! And psychiatric patients are not always easy to handle.

Anyways, for what its worth, its been an enjoyable experience, its a new thing and I've learned quite a lot about people. As our psychiatry posting theme said, "there is no health without mental health!". Its surely unforgettable and a very useful experience. I've also learned that before, I have sorta been judgmental to patient with mental illness, and subconsciously has been stigmatizing them. Thats the huge lesson that I've learned. Psychiatry, I love it and I think I'd actually miss psychiatric posting.

And, today has been raining so heavily. I've been tempted to go to sleep when I was supposed to study for the exam. and now that we're free, I'm getting a sorethroat of unknown causes, and a flu. What can I say? Life is cruel.

And tomorrow I've got to go to the main campus to register myself for the new semester, and pay the late fine. yeah, thats the stupidest mistake I've ever made. It was supposed to be solved by a freaking click of mouse, and because of my irresponsibily and Sloth has gotten to me, I've ignorantly ignored Mel's reminder about the registration! And now I have to pay the fine with my shopping money that I've been saving for the purple shirt at The Spring. I did a mistake. But Life is still cruel.

ranting from a blank mind

hum...what to say? I'm pretty stressed out because of the psych exam this Wednesday. Maybe I have gotten too cocky, maybe I play with the fire too much, I procrastinate too much. We always want something more when its lost. Time is the thing that I've lost, and always, always have.

Why do I like to self-destruct so much? I've known it'll come to this. *sigh*

I took a quiz from facebook yesterday. Its about something about 'what specialty should you have' and to my surprise, i got "PLZ DONT BE A DOCTOR" yep, I got the result from a kid who can't even spell "please"!! well, serve me right in a sense that i might've been just too honest, like i answered stuff like, "how would you do your homework" with: "what work? i hate homework". yeah, i know im lazy, ,but i always finished my homeworks, k? I'm lazy, and I know medicine tortures me, and working as a doctor will definitely destroy my life. But I just can't live without medicine. Its a huge part of me. Medicine is a beauty, pain is beauty!

Oh, I also wanna rant on something. Temptations!

I know I have to revise and study. Why the hell am I still on facebook or youtube or chatting on MSN or even turning on my compy??

I want to lose weight. Why the hell am I still eating the strawberry yogurt chocs??

I know I want to save money for greater use in the future. Why the hell did I answer the call of the clothes at the mall? Why do I lose my rationalization each time I set my foot in a mall?

Why do I keep reaching for the forbidden apples?

a new year

hi, happy new year of 2009!! and so long 2008!

wow, seriously, a year has passed by. time flies so fast. so much memory in 2008. great things, awesome things, good things, so-so things, bad things, horrible terrible things. all those things help shape me. i just cant be more grateful to be alive and kicking.

we've been living at loads of different places, 2 houses in Sibu, then moved to Kuching then to Sarikei. there were loads of memories in those places. adjustment issues to the new places, and the unforgettable moments in our community posting, where we grew closer with each other, we had field trips, the friendly welcome from Kg Selalang's villagers, and our picnic at Kabong beach. *sigh* such wonderful memories!

i was feeling a bit stressful tonight. will relationship probs, studies, assignments, and exams. they're really tearing me apart! but thankfully, i had a talk with one of my good friend, and i dunno why it felt so easy to speak. just as i thought its me against the world... what a relief! and this friend has been so understanding and has given loads of good advice to me. a really huge appreciation and love from me ^^.

so yeah, its a new year, meaning a new beginning for me. a new year actually means nothing much to me. its just there to be my stepping stone for a change. like, a reason to start your plan.

i wanna be much stronger and better. less procrastinating, less bitchiness and just be better in the context that i want. and i'd love to remove the parasites, the unnecessary conflicts in my life. yeah, i've had overdosage of drama! XD though life's no fun without any drama. so, moderation is the key! ^^

a fresh start, its the thing that almost everyone needs. to the people i've hurt, im so sorry. to the people who've given me lots of support, i cant thank you guys enough, like seriously! to my rivals/enemies, watch out for the better me :P.

and to my fab four, lets do this! love you guys loads!

(lol, theme of the year: spread the love?? *choked* haha)