I used to love myself so much I have a tinge of narcissism. I used to have some self-confidence that keeps me going. I used to have the feelings that nothing can bring me down.
and right now, I'm just still doubting and hating myself so much. I've been trying so hard to survive this, to learn and all. I just keep on screwing up one after another. I'm tired of feeling so lonely even though I'm surrounded by people. I'm tired of feeling like I'm the only stupid, useless someone here. I can't even remember the patients, I can't remember any freaking thing! And the thing I hate the most is, no matter how much I've achieved/learned, there's always something stupid I'd do, and my confidence would just crumble down like a house of cards.
I miss my BFFs, I miss my family, I miss going out and having fun, I miss laughing nonstop I don't have time to stop and breathe, I miss just feeling free and in control, I miss enjoying those tiny, little things in my life, I miss having shopping mates! now I just do everything on my own. and it feels really horrible. I feel like a lonely, desperate damsel in distress! they who understand me the most are all far, far away from here, and/or are too busy being doctors too.
I'm SOOOO freaking tired right now. I still have no idea what the hell am I doing. What am I supposed to do?
5 comments:
hey.. changes are hard to adapt to.. let urself breath a little and take one step at a time..
i'm sure u'll be fine :)
Dear!! i miss YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! muax!! by the way,, when u feel so depressed,, tgk la gambar roller coaster kat genting tu,, BAHA!! sure gelak non stop smule ;pp
az: thanks for being supportive~ i rly appreciate it :)
mel: ntah la mel. tadi aku post call, ade la aku buat something stupid..malu aku nk citer. then aku mmg rase depressed the whole day. pastu td aku ingatkan nk g shopping, aku dh drive g boulevard miri tu, tp tetibe mmg xde mood nk shopping sorg2. pastu aku drive blk, aku mmg nanges mcm nk mampos sorg2 lam kete the whole way!!! mst org lain eran je tgk. haha! mmg cry baby abes! i just feel so lonely and anhedonic right now!!!
hey hey.. i knw how u feel.. still feeling that too sometimes.. it's called growing up n it sucks kan?? haha.. no worries dear..
it sucks reaaaal bad!! *sigh* especially when I'm quite lonely here. *sigh* ntah la, mayb its just a severe case of PMS..hehe
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