A smoker's regret

no, I'm not a smoker.
though, I think I understand how its like when a smoker's been diagnosed with lung cancer.
I'd regret all the cigarettes I've been smoking. I'd ask how did I get here. I'd feel like if I could turn back time, I'd change something. what would happen if I did everything differently. and of course, time is running out. the feeling of impending DEATH! yup, that's regret all right. HUGE regret.

oh, dear, oh, dear God al-mighty, I really need a divine intervention to overcome all this. I feel like I'm not strong enough. I tried to summon my strength so, so many times. It's really hard to build up confidence and it just takes seconds to tear it down. Questioning and doubting myself, it's not really good for my self-esteem. Saying "don't know" is quite unacceptable in the medical world. everything leads to a question, a question would lead to another, everything has a reason behind it.

But, I don't know a lot of things, I am not perfect. And that's how the cookie crumbles.

*doesn't know what to think anymore!!!!*