new life, old life?

yup, sometimes i reminisce about my old, student life, where we all had fun and had so little responsibilities. looking back, I didn't even came to understanding what I've learned. maybe I wasn't such a good medical student. heck, I'm not that good of a houseman now. I really need to learn a LOT.

tho... I love my new life! I've begun to understand the clinical approach to patients...had my "oooh...so thats how it is" moments with medical knowledge. of course, practice is indeed the best way to increase your knowledge and experience.

although, the responsibility is soooo huge and heavy. all the decisions made will affect patients, bosses, co-workers, staffs, etc etc. sometimes I made the wrong decisions. I really dislike being wrong, well, who does? sometimes its the environment, the people? you cant please everyone and not everyone's your cup of tea. sometimes i do feel like running away, but I've sacrificed so much, I've survived so much. I'll just have to continue to improve myself. *please, dont be lazy!*

and I'm not really a people person, I guess. I have to take some time to know people and let them know me. sometimes yeah, i do feel lonely, because all my BFFs and my family are away. maybe people think I'm difficult? maybe I'm the one who distanced myself from other people? and sometimes I just like to be alone. god, I miss my BFFs and family who's always got me, who I can turn to and talk about anything, and trust them with everything! they're the catalysts for the ideal environment for me...

and people are always asking "when are you getting a boyfriend?", its really annoying. like its compulsory thing to have in life. i dont wanna search like im a desperate cat person. and mr. right is so hard to find nowadays, let alone in Miri hospital! so just let me be, ok?

oh, speaking of the past, just now, I went through my old photo albums...sometimes made me laugh so hard with the good memories..tho, some old clothes and crushes, made me think "omg, wth was i thinking??" its really weird that people just grow. I'm totally a different person now than when I was in high school.

anyways, I'm on my way to improve my quality of life right now, starting with some improvements to my new home..I got streamyx (yay!), and some other updates. I feel good about this new change~ ^_^