(hopes everything is said correctly XD)
anyway, suddenly just now, I kinda have a homesick episode. Reaaaally miss my family. Its been a while that I've spent a long time with my family. Its always a 1-2 week break (only a year or 2 ago that I had a long end-of-year-holiday) for the past 4 years of college, and the same goes to my school days (though the holidays here were less frequent however longer than my college days).
being away from my family, there are loads of pros and cons. the cons, its always hard, i'm kinda the mummy's girl so I get homesick quite a lot of times, most of the time I have to really struggle to adapt to the environments and all. the pros, mostly bittersweet, learning about new things in the cruel world out there, standing on your own two feet, being under harsh situations without much help from others (is thankful for some supportive friends). they have made me who I am right now, I think.
perhaps, in my future life, I wont want to send my kids to boarding schools. I realized that I've spent too little time with my family, maybe this will stay the same in the future. I dont really like this actually, despite all the benefits it gave me for all this while.
ANYWAYS! the fasting month! it makes me to recall the first time when we moved and settled in Mukah. it was just a small village back then, in 1996, if I'm not mistaken, I was just 10 years old? i kinda love the peacefulness that the village has, no traffic jams, the air is clean, even the now-polluted beach water was clean back then.
what I REALLY hate about that village is the people's mentality. especially the old ladies who were like the self-proclaimed leaders of the village, controlling everything. they're just a bunch of hypocrites, with badmouthing people as hobbies. so, in my young age, I was taught that honor is everything, even when you have to pretend to be nice, humble and friendly to others. If you dont smile to people, you're a bad person, if you compliment your hard work, you're showing off, you know, negative stuff like that. how narrow-minded they were! i also hate their not so funny jokes, mostly about degrading some people. what i couldnt forget till now is when they badmouthed my family really bad just because i wasnt "friendly" (like, as if i was gonna smile at everyone who's walking pass me :P). gosh, how stupid was that? like, a fight against a 10-year-old?so, at the young age, I learned hatred, wrath and vengeance.
oops, sorry, isnt supposed to say all bad things in the fasting month. its just that it brings back memories to me, because at the fasting month when i was a kid, we always went to the surau with my family to perform tarawih, and in the surau, there were those old ladies, and i was taught to pretend to be all smiley and nice to every-freaking-one, basically just doing what they want me to behave, which i really hate to do, thus, even until now, i dread the moment when i have to go to that surau. *what a traumatic childhood XD*
anyways, now that I'm all grown up, like hell am I gonna care about what they think of me. its all their fault for giving me such bad early impressions :P i think they still remain the same though, those old ladies, though some of them has had stroke and has been inactive, despite the developing town. perhaps, their reign of terror is over :P.
so yeah, how nostalgic that feels~ sorry for the soooo long of a post, cant help myself from ranting, revealing those old ugly skeletons i've kept in my closet. exam stress could be the trigger too XD
anyways, finally, HAPPY FASTING TO ALL MUSLIMS~~!! hope we have a blessed Ramadhan this year~ <3
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