a belated 2010 wish~

~day 5th of 2010~
On the new year, didn't celebrate at all, just stayed at home, taking it slow. Really, I sound like an old lady, always tired and sleepy.

New year resolutions? hurm.... don't really feel like making those, for me, its kinda useless to just say things that I won't do. If I wanna do it, I'll do it!

Btw, some of the unresolved past years resolutions!
1-lost weight!! biggest problem! my weight has been going up and down lately. I dunno, hormone and stress really play a huge part in my eating problem. Seriously, I need more determination to resist pigging out. Also, I have a bad habit of eating during watching/reading something, and while I was doing all those, I won't realize the amount of the food I'm taking, so I really need to work this out.

-not procrastinate!! damn, this is probably the hardest ever. I'd always say I'll do this later, 5 minutes later, tomorrow, next week, bla bla bla. for a procrastinator, there will always be an excuse! I really hate this. Then, when the time comes, I'd complaint and whined about wishing I could turn back time, wishing I could have more time, wishing I could have done it sooner. All in vain, what done is done and irreversible. The only beneficial thing left is to change in the future.

anyway, reminiscing the past 10 years of my life, *taken from ejant's blog*

~2000~

I was 14 years old, form 2 in my secondary school. I think I was in 2C, I can't really remember. How was I back then? Pretty sure I was timid and introverted as hell. I remember working behind the counter at my school's koperasi. Also, being far from home, I was still having some homesickness at this age

~2001~

PMR year, I was studying hard as hell. I lost lots of weight this year, having skipped meals to study (wish I'm still like this!!), so, I got 9 straight A's. Was really proud of myself and all.

~2002~

form 4, kinda like entering the clinical year for high school as in med school? but of course, a lot easier compared to now. Learned new stuff on bio, chem and physics, also add maths!! Miss all those stuff, and yup, I'm kinda geeky. this is kinda the honeymoon year of high school!

~2003~

final year of high school! SPM year! didn't get straight A's this time, and graduating was really sad. had a long holiday at home while waiting for matriculation/diploma/whatever. I was really aiming to study in university overseas, however, didn't get them, pretty sad about this, however I was accepted to Labuan Matriculation College. Oh, also! gained lots of weight during holiday for living a sedentary lifestyle at home and spoiling myself! :P

~2004~

matriculation!!! such a memorable year! went to Labuan, a small island with lots of duty-free chocs!!!! I was really in a chocolate heaven, pretty much having imported chocolates as my staple food (haha!), though, being a small island, there's not much of a shopping place there. Ujana Kewangan (UK) was the main shopping place. really miss the chocolates!! also, the only real campus life I've ever lived. and lost quite a lot of weight due to netballing and silat!!!

~2005~

UNIMAS medical school! I kinda screwed up at the Matrix exams, getting only 3.78, if I'm not mistaken, so I thought my chance of getting into a medical school was gone. my parents also applied for private colleges, however, since I got an offer to get into UNIMAS, so, I went to UNIMAS. at this time, the image of a medical school was really dreamy and in a fantasy land. hu hu hu... XD. remembered the first days, being in orientation, meeting new people and having new housemates, for a shy person like me, I was pretty nervous. Also, got my first laptop from my scholarship money this year~~

~2006~

2nd year of med school. started learning on diseases by systems. image of medical school still all high and mighty. still in cloud nine and stupidly really proud of being a medical student. we also had our elective research on forensic entomology, it was pretty harsh, handling with horrendous smelly rabbit carcasses and lots of larvae and bugs! but our presentation was quite ok, I guess. first professional exam, with first OSPE. thank god I made it!

~2007~

3rd year of med school! the start of clinical year!! sent to Sibu coz we're attached to Sibu hospital. reality of an extraterrestrial-ly hard medical student life started sinking in. we're dealing with live patients now, also started having clinical exams where we had to answer face-to-face with the examiners. also, moved places twice this year. the first place was a really awesome semi-D house, then then 2nd one was really low compared to the 1st place, it was kinda like a shop house, with a really harsh hot environment (it faced the direct sunlight), but we worked so hard to make it a home, so we kinda love that place too, EXCEPT it's infested with CICADAS! so we fought with cicadas almost every night! also, subjects & exams were really hard, remember myself having break downs and crying crazily due to stressful situations.

2008~

4th year~ la la la~ the "honey-moon" period. started with multiple postings (not so honeymoon), busy busy schedule to fit in lots of stuff due to short duration of time. then there's community, district and psychiatry. community was really fun! though the house was hellish. love the field trips, though hate the research part. our group really bonded so well. love the district serian posting, we lived next door to KFC, and we went to Ranchan waterfall whenever we're free or hot.

~2009~

gah! entering FINAL year. feels really weird and undeserving! a HUUUGE shock coming back from honeymoon period into a full blown WAR. high expectations coming from everywhere, seeing us as final year medical student = should mean we know EVERYTHING. the stress is sometimes unbearable. breakdowns and going ga-ga becomes more of part of our life. sleep cycle goes haywire, eye bags and circles forming mercilessly. being scolded and feeling stupid is a routine of life. ah, it was a really harsh environment. oh, also, I started becoming Arashi fan girl this year! XD

2010 - happy new year, hope I'll change to be a better me, hope I'll have strength and determination to go on, hope I can persevere and face anything and not waver. Hope I will have good things and success, and have enough strength if any unfortunate events happen.

Hope I'll have a good year, and will pass the horrendous, scary, monstrous, ultra strong, FINAL PROFESSIONAL EXAM.