gimme a poisonous apple

.....So I can be like Snow white and sleep all day long

seriously, I miss my sleep. I wanna update about my convo last time, but it kinda feels like its old news already.
we have lots of drama going on in the ward, but I'm just too tired to tell every details.
and I'm always jealous at the babies, they sleep really peacefully in the incubator and under the warmer!


anyway, I'll update this blog again later. I'm off to bed now. tomorrow will  be work again. yeah, we work 7 days a week. its really tiring sometimes. I wish I could have McDreamy to stare at at work so it wouldn't be so boring and torturing..*sigh*

and the state of my room is enough to trigger a heart attack at the sight of it. and the mess in my room would make Christina Yang proud. and my car is like, totally white with dust and there are birds droppings and whatever disgusting things sticking to it...poor Venus!

anyway, yeah, lots of things to do but all I wanna do with my free time is shopping and sleeping.... so yeah, Good night!

a waste-of-time entry

hi.. I've been putting off writing my blog for a quite some time. hum..nothing really much to tell.
i had a busy oncall last week. an A+E MO admitted a normal baby to the ward. and I really hate to be waken up for this. yeah, I'm still grumpy and cranky in the morning. I just couldn't help it. Most of the time, I'd plaster a smile on my face, do deep breathing and praying hard my temper would just melt away. I hate poor historians, like, in my opinion, you're the mother and you didnt know anything about the symptoms? yea, yea I know, not all people are observant, but I just honestly couldnt help it. I would really try my best not to raise my voice and to really control my temper. so far I succeeded most of the time to act really bright and shiny. I know people would accept me to be not to be short tempered because waking up in the middle of the night to see patients is what I do, its my life. but its still me, so yeah, I'm cranky when I'm groggy. so yeaaa... the down side of dealing with human.

anyway, the normal baby admitted on my oncall:

Me: ok, what made you come to the hospital?
Mom: oh, my baby has fast breathing.
Me (thinking: differential diagnosis=acute bronchiolitis, pneumonia, asthma etc etc): ok, for how long has she been having this?
Mom: for a week!
Me (thinking: fast breathing for a week and NOW you just brought her in? *grumpy +*): uh, ok..is she having any fever?
Mom: no
Me: any cough?
Mom: no
Me: um...so could you elaborate more on the fast breathing? like, is it affecting her sleep or activities?
Mom: oh, she has fast breathing when she was playing too much, and if she's asleep or stayed still, she breathes just fine
Me: .... (thinking: gosh, is it just me or did that sound totally normal? did i miss anything big?? *grumpy ++++++*)

on examination, the child was active and playful, and there was no respiratory distress and lungs were clear. I was baffled. like i didnt know what to give. so i just wrote vital sign monitoring and the conservative managements. i dunno...it made me kinda suspicious and paranoid, like was I wrong, did I do anything stupid, did I miss anything and all?

also, I've been posted to paeds 2 ward last week. most of the cases are neonatal jaundice, and some oxygen dependent babies who need constant monitoring, and other infectious disease that needed quaranteen.

most of the cases transferred to paeds 2 ward isn't so serious. but the tiring thing is, the mothers are almost all anxious to go home. of course they are, I would if I were them too. but seriously, asking for the serum bilirubin for like, every hour is so annoying. and the social problem thingy is such a pain in the ass neck! like this one mother who kept on asking me to discharge her because she has some post partum blues. and I kept on explaining that her baby is still jaundice and the bilirubin was still so high and it could affect the baby's brain etc etc. and I didnt have the power to discharge people and all. but they kept on pestering me and all. its really tiring.

yeah, dealing with people is not an easy job. sometimes I don't understand why they wouldn't understand, why they choose this or that, why they do this or that. guess they have their own reason and rationale that I might not understand because I'm not them. Sometimes I feel so lucky being myself. I would be really sad if I was born into someone who lives like 1000 miles away from civilization, taking care of 8 children where they all have malaria, who can't go fulfill their desires because they live just to fulfill their needs. Like they live just on survival instinct. they dont go shopping, they don't dress for the high of dressing, or couldn't tell the difference between maroon and mauve or checkers and plaids.

so yeah, being a doctor, it's really made me appreciate life more. i know this sounds a lot like a cliche crap, but yeah, I realize I'm quite lucky and yet I'm still a whiny little bitch. no I don't wear designer clothes, but I still love doing what I'm doing. though I'm really tempted to get those Prada stilettoes!!

urgh anyway! I'm rambling. even I dont understand what I'm typing about. blame sleep deprivation!
good night!