Then growing up, finding that my life, my home wasn't perfect, there were conflicts here and there. I hated it. All the negatives, even though I was away for studies, they affected me real bad. People used to come to me to pour out everything. Maybe because of my calm peaceful image, people assume I was very level-headed and I could take it all peacefully. I had to be strong for them. I couldn't break down, I couldn't shed my tears for them. But I wasn't all that peaceful. I grew angry, bitter, hateful of the negative things. I hated how people couldn't see how bad they were hurting themselves and our family. and I hated the fact that we were not aggressive enough in dealing with the problems, and I hated the most when I wasn't able to do anything to help. I was always angry.
Then I found the strength to voice out my anger. It wasn't the right thing, maybe. I expressed everything factually, regardless of anyone's feelings. I felt like I just wanted to say whatever I think, without caring how people react or feel about it. It gave me some kind of a relief, than bottling it all up inside. Also, I became a control freak, I believed that I could change everything, that I could at least affect other people's actions, or whatever I felt was right. And when things didn't go my way, I hated it, I got angry. It was tiring, being angry and feeling negative.
Then, I don't know, maybe I got some kind of epiphany...like I realized if I was treated the way people were treated by me, I wouldn't like it either. So I learned to let go of the anger. Learned to enjoy the journey, smell the flowers along the way. Learned that its okay not to be okay once in a while. that perfect isn't everything. I have came at peace with my wrath. Maybe I would bitch once in a while in twitter, but hey, its okay to let off some steam in a harmless way :)
The world is not beautiful, therefore it is. Kino no Tabi -the Beautiful World-
