Mood Swings

When I was little, I was a quiet, very very introverted person. As usual, being compared to my elder sister (who's basically my twin because we're just 1 year apart), who was always temperamental, she's like the fire and I was the water. I was calm and collected. I kept everything to myself, and I didn't know how to voice out my feelings.

Then growing up, finding that my life, my home wasn't perfect, there were conflicts here and there. I hated it. All the negatives, even though I was away for studies, they affected me real bad. People used to come to me to pour out everything. Maybe because of my calm peaceful image, people assume I was very level-headed and I could take it all peacefully. I had to be strong for them. I couldn't break down, I couldn't shed my tears for them. But I wasn't all that peaceful. I grew angry, bitter, hateful of the negative things. I hated how people couldn't see how bad they were hurting themselves and our family. and I hated the fact that we were not aggressive enough in dealing with the problems, and I hated the most when I wasn't able to do anything to help. I was always angry.

Then I found the strength to voice out my anger. It wasn't the right thing, maybe. I expressed everything factually, regardless of anyone's feelings. I felt like I just wanted to say whatever I think, without caring how people react or feel about it. It gave me some kind of a relief, than bottling it all up inside. Also, I became a control freak, I believed that I could change everything, that I could at least affect other people's actions, or whatever I felt was right. And when things didn't go my way, I hated it, I got angry. It was tiring, being angry and feeling negative.

Then, I don't know, maybe I got some kind of epiphany...like I realized if I was treated the way people were treated by me, I wouldn't like it either. So I learned to let go of the anger. Learned to enjoy the journey, smell the flowers along the way. Learned that its okay not to be okay once in a while. that perfect isn't everything. I have came at peace with my wrath. Maybe I would bitch once in a while in twitter, but hey, its okay to let off some steam in a harmless way :)

The world is not beautiful, therefore it is. Kino no Tabi -the Beautiful World-

Eclipse watch @ 10/12/11

hum...just wanna write about the yesterday's lunar eclipse.
TOTALLY amazing!!
My friend, kunnoe, invited me to come with some nature lovers to a place to watch the eclipse.
its really fun because they have all these fancy telescope.
like, I could totally see the crates on the moon! Just lovely.

Oh, and the place was quite far from Miri, about 30mins drive. at first I was kinda like, apprehensive, because its a long ride on a dark, lonely road. but the view was totally worth it!
its kinda like at a cliff overseeing a beach.
the beach was awesome! the waves were crashing on the sand violently, the wind was magnificent, we were bathed by the pure moon light.
i think its one of the most beautiful views everrrr!

this is jupiter! my 1st time seeing it~ hello, jupiter!

my bff, Kunnoe...thanks for the great time! :)

back to work!!

raya this year has been really precious to me! my soul is healed, my spirits lifted, my mind is at peace. balance is restored. hehe

I'm back in Miri now. I'm missing my family already! I treasure our raya memories, the time we spent, all the laughs and the squabbles. This year, we've gone to lots of places; Oya, Balingian, Dalat. and of course, our own kampung. so yeah, its a really nice but tiring experience.

the only missing piece is that my sister, Ida and my brother, Idos didn't join us as they're celebrating raya with their in-laws. miss you guys! and I terribly miss dear Aya-chan!

oh, I just wanna share. when we were driving to some place, I saw a little boy at the road side, throwing stones at passing cars. So, when he wanted to throw a stone at our car, I gave him the look. The you're-dead-to-me look. Yup, the look, with my heavily kohled eyes, I gave him the look. and the look on the boy's face after that, is priceless! haha! yep, he won't be throwing any stones to cars for the rest of his life! *gosh, I'm such a bully :P*

anyway, tomorrow I'm going back to work. with this happiness (I hope it'd stay and give me some armor for any negative aura in the ward!) I hope I'll have a good day tomorrow.

To my family, you guys are precioussss to me! so sorry if I had a bitch fit or whatever. you guys are my rock. you guys are the keeper of my sanity. I just can't exist or live without u guys! love u guys soooooooo much! xoxo

riang ria hari raya

hi, i'm typing at my home in Mukah~ i've been at home for the past 4 days. Its been rly nice and peaceful for my soul! Even though the raya preparation time had been rly crazee buzee!!mom's rly merciless when it comes to the details. She's such a perfectionist. Anyway, being in the presence of my beloved family is rly healing for me.

Anyway! Since raya, I've been eating SO much! All the rendang, sate, ketupat, lemang, nasi himpit, curry etc etc! Plus the cakes n cookies n popias n kerepeks n dodols etc etc! They're soooo tempting. And i'm so weak. Guess i need to exercise more after this (haha!yea rite :P)

and, i've been meeting lots of near and far family members and all that. Oh yeah, the most fave part of hari raya is dressing up! Its SO fun!

Anyway, its been late, and i'm feeling rly tired from all the house-visiting n eating! Sooo, i just wanna wish, Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri to all Muslims and maaf zahir batin for everything I've done wrong. Have a marvellous raya to all!! Xoxo

(darn, haven't taken any family photo to post up here!)

Heal my heart

I'm going home tomorrow! I really can't wait! I've missed home SOOOO freakin' much! I wanna feel alive and happy again! I wanna be fweeeeee~~ (vomit, pls!)

anyway, this few days have been going pretty well for me. though we had to endure the mental and psychological torture in the ward, I have some healer for my heart. and even though I really can't stand him, I can't help but to be impressed with his fashion sense. haha~ and I've met wani yesterday, and its a really nice feeling to have someone to talk to about anything. and just now, I went out with Yan, and we had a really awesome dinner buffet at Marriot Hotel, which was free because of something something (its nothing really, I'm just too lazy to explain). So yeah, we had fun. I ate a TON!

pls forgive the unawesomeness of my phone cam~

Then we went out shopping. found out there were gems here and there hidden beneath Bintang Mall's slums (no offense, but really, its really hard to shop here).

anyways, yeah, I'm feeling happy~~

just a quick update

just feeling like updating my blog since I havent posted anything for quite some time.

Ok, life now is quite ok i guess. still adapting to work, I can do more now and be more useful (lol). There are 3 new housemen in the ward. I have new friends. yay

I still need to shop and I need a shopping buddy. I blew off 2 chances of going out with my friends. 1. with wanie, when I overslept and missed it. and she's now off in Ulu Baram. huhu..
2. with mala, when I also overslept in the evening, and missed the dinner. she's now off to Sibu, she was just visiting Miri for a short while.

god, I hate myself! I miss my friends. *sob sob*

Can't wait for Kunnoe to come to Miri some time soon. and I cant wait for Sheareen to finish her tagging so we have more time, so we can go shopping!!!!

I really need to snap out from this depressed lonely feeling. I'll just have to take it positively, like, taking it as more quality time for myself and a peaceful relaxing time. I still miss my BFFs and my family.

Anyway, tomorrow's Monday, and you know what that means. friggin' Monday Blues. eh, do I really get Monday Blues? Its not like I have holidays on weekends now. everyday seems to be the same to me. theme of my life: supermassive black hole :P

I'm not crazy, I'm just a li'l unwell

gosh, it feels really weird to be sick! I had a lovely start today, woke up feeling all fresh and happy (which is kinda rare because I really am not a morning person), then went to work.

Then it all started. Our body has ways to tell that there is something wrong with it. I started feeling all woozy and uneasy. I tried to brush it away, but it would just wont be turned off. like an alarm telling that something is terribly wrong. Then I had a weird sensation of discomfort around my stomach. then it turned to colicky pain. Then, I felt nauseated. Then I vomited out whatever the heck there was. blargh! I hate being sick. Then I felt like really sleepy and lazy, like my body screaming I NEED TO GO TO SLEEP NOOOW!

Hu.. I really dont wanna be sick at work. its different from college, where you can get MCs and just lie down on your bed whole day long. I just don't wanna be extended in my housemanship just because I'm sick. Hope I'll get better tonight!!!!

Housemanship: I miss my LIFE!

hum... adjustment disorder?

I just got back from tagging, day 7. gosh, why do I still feel SOOOO freaking' blur??
Sometimes I hate my life, sometimes I enjoy some things.

really, really having a love-hate relationship with doctor life.

I dunno where to start. urgh! I really don't know. sometimes I really like doing what i do. sometimes, it just feels like a burden to me, like I've lost the fire and passion for medicine. I feel like a zombie trotting around doing stuff. actually I'm still really clueless.

urgh... i dunno what to write, but my blog has been too empty and my heart too full with distress.

hum.. so yeah, my first posting - paeds, special care nursery (SCN) in Miri Hospital.
I'm the only girl HO for now, like the specialist said "rose between the thorns" huh.. and I'm actually quite a reserved person, I enjoy being with my closest circle of friends and didnt say much with strangers. so yeah, its quite awkward meeting new people and all. and its not really fun without another girl to talk about girl stuff and all. and as a new person, the adapting is really hard. these people know what, when, why, how, where they're doing. as for me, I dunno ANYTHING! I got lost some times because I have no sense of direction whatsoever, I dunno any patients, I cant remember the patients because they're all babies so they all look the same. and I'm quite bad in running maths through my head coz i usually scribble to solve maths (except for counting percentage in discount sales :P), and as paeds deal with a lot of maths, I'm quite a slow calculator. and my paeds knowledge...hmph! 2 months after my final professional exam, I just didnt study any medicine, so I felt really useless and inadequate now. oh and I also wondering if my brain's just too slow or my hearing's really bad because they all talk so fast!

so yeah, I'm tagging from 7am to 11pm weekdays and 7am-6pm weekends. really tiring and I SUPER hate waking up so early in the morning. *sigh sigh sigh*. I'm not a morning person, but I HAVE to smile at everyone in the ward *sigh again*,

and I miss my passion for fashion. now I only dress for the sake of dressing up now, I dont enjoy it anymore. I miss caring about color co-ordination, I miss having my accessories complete my outfit, I miss wearing pants to slim my legs (now I carry calculator, phone and a small book in my pocket -> super fattening but the heck i care), I care about the length of my pants to suit my heels, oooh... I miss wearing heels! I cant wear them anymore! *sob* I miss feeling the fun and the rush when my outfit completes my look. I miss putting on make-ups (I just dont have the time and the surgical mask would ruin them anyway). I dont moisturize anymore because I have to frequently wash my hands, overall, I just don't care how I look anymore, and its really bringing my already down self-esteem more down or downer is that even a word? i don't care.

and at 11 pm, i dont have the time to study because im too sleepy and all, so im becoming stupider and stupider and hating myself more and more.

anyway, i'm just in a state of blurness now. I just dont know. but I'm really thankful to have some nice HOs and MOs and specialists who've helped me a lot even though clearly I'm sooo inadequate. I'm a doctor. what?? am I really?? i dont feel like one because i just feel sooo freaking inadequate.


sometimes its fun
sometimes its not

god, gimme strength!

a new change

sempena Raya la konon~

my old blog theme is just way too boring!!! It was in a dire need of change, like seriously? thats from a freaking year ago!!

So, welcome to the new change~~
I love my new blog theme. Kinda hard to tweak all the widgets and all, and some annoying changes that I couldn't change, which I decided to get use to and stuff (it hides my navigation bar and I dunno how to change the html codes - it went haywire when I tried deleting something :P).

Anyway, 5 more days to go for Raya celebration. Thus, most of us have this heavy lazy aura around us. I really am in the mood of a holiday!! Though, I didn't do much preparations this year, its been a busy, busy year. Really can't wait to get home to celebrate it with my beloved family. Though, seriously, I'm gonna miss Ramadhan, its really a month like no other. Hope I can meet it again next year and I'll do better then.

Moreh, Ramadhan and the "feel"

wow, its been 19 days we're in the fasting month~! time really flies, ne?

tonight is our turn to prepare for Moreh. 1st of all, what is Moreh?
Moreh is a term used for "eating together after solat tarawih". I think the term originates from West Malaysia as I've never used that term before. anyways, yeah, Moreh is one of the experience in the fasting month, which has the "feel" of being in the fasting month.

So, we cooked
a) Mashed potatoes
b) French fries (yeah, I know, too many potatoes XD)
c) last but not least, Sushi by yours truly, moi~ XD

it was quite a hit, if I must say, so yeah, so proud and happy seeing people eat what you've made. its priceless XD. though I wish we could just take some pics of our hard work! we've been too busy that we forgot to capture the precious moment!

and speaking of Ramadhan, there are some things that make it really feel like Ramadhan. so, my other experiences that is specific to giving the "feel" to Ramadhan are:

1. sahur: waking up early in the morning before dawn to eat. kinda like the preparation for the fast during the day. I'm not a morning person, let alone waking up before dawn! so its kinda hard for me to get up for sahur. its been difficult but I kinda toughen myself just to have the "feel" of Ramadhan. (actually, only drinking some water is enough for me XD)

2. break of fast aka sungkey: eating at dusk, after the whole day of fasting. one of the merriest time of the day. yup, kinda like, celebrating our effort in fasting. victory!! XD

3. ramadhan bazaar: an area filled with stalls selling food and drink. it has almost everything! XD walking around a bazaar, with an empty stomach and food all around you.. its like the most tempting moment of the day, and this could lead to over spending of food XD

4. tarawih & witir: the prayers performed specially for Ramadhan month. to pray for forgiveness and to be thankful for everything. filled with lotsa fadhilat, even busy people make time for these prayers.

5. tadarus al-quran: the reading of the Muslim's holy book, the Quran. usually people would want to finish reading the Quran in this month. its good to reflect its meaning and learn from it.

6. moreh: like I said, eating after the prayers. it increases the bond between other people. people eat and strengthen the bond of silaturrahim.

7. documentary about Islam: like Jejak Rasul and Syahadah. mostly airing about the history of Islam, the historical places, about other Muslims in other countries and all that. a good way to increase knowledge about Islam.

8. cooking programs: 2 significant programs a) cooking for break of fast, b) cooking for Raya (Eid) preparation!! somehow those just leave you with the "feel" of Ramadhan XD

9. baking!: oh, I love this the most! its for Raya, where we serve cookies, cakes or anything for the guests. I really love baking, though I don't think I would be able to do so because there's no time :(

10: Raya cards: SOOO nostalgic! really love sending those in my younger days XD. now, its all about e-cards and SMS, people just don't bother much about sending a proper card! :(

so yeah, thats all I can think about for now. Happy Ramadhan to all Muslims~

Live = eviL

it never fails to amuse me, people's ignorance towards human nature. like, seriously, do you expect everyone to be all angelic, everything to be rainbows and butterflies?

people use people, its dog-eat-dog world out there! grow the freaking up!

again, I'm not rooting for evil, but please, acknowledge that in human there are good and evil, in Islam, its like, the akal and nafsu. in greek mythology, there are eros and thanatos, human drive towards live and death, respectively. and also, as in yin and yang. all evolving around good vs evil in this life.

so, why should we deny the existence of evil in everyone? so we can live blissfully ignorant? so evil things wont happen if we didnt think about them?

and why should we accept the existence of evil? so we can understand more about human nature, so we know what we're facing, so we know the cause/reason of its existence. so we can avoid the shock (like, omg!! I cant believe he actually used me to get something and when he's done he just threw me away?? omg!! *crushed!!*). thus, we can prepare ourselves. then perhaps, we would know how to face it, avoid it or solve it.

and personally, I think, having "evil" in us doesnt mean it makes us all murderer, traitor or whatever evil being there is. like love, the definition of evil is subjective. sometimes we need to be selfish to protect ourselves. sometimes we need to be stingy to protect ourselves. like, in the anime Fruits Basket, there is the story about the stupid humble traveller who gave his own body parts to be eaten by goblins just because he pitied the hungry goblins. we do not need to be this good/generous, right? too much or too little of something is always not good. almost in everything, moderation is the key.

all in all, its all about a harmonious balance between good and evil, akal and nafsu, eros and thanatos, yin and yang in an ideal life.

trip to home and back again

I seemed to have lost my interest in updating my blog. Probably because after the exam, I kinda like, "let it all down". I have rested, slept like a log, and wasted my time online and watching drama or movies. it was all stress-free~

and last weekend, I went back home. overall it was fun, though I couldn't really be as free as when I am here, because at home, I still have to do chores, unlike here where I can procrastinate all I want :P. Also, I've been busy with my 14-month-old niece, who can already walk, run and babble some words, she's getting smarter and even naughtier, its really hard to chase her around the house! like a quote inside my paediatric guide book, "You can learn many things from children - how much patience you have, for instance - Franklin P. Jones". Apparently, I dont have much of it, so its something that I'll have to learn more.

Also, yesterday was Malaysia's 52nd Independence Day aka Merdeka day, with the theme of 1 Malaysia this year. Merdeka is when Malaysia was freed from British invasion. Blood has been spilt, and a lot of effort and sacrifices were involved in the process. I don't think there's enough empathy which we can express that is equal to how difficult the whole Merdeka process really was. Without all the sacrifices and all, Malaysians wouldn't be able to experience such freedom as now. I'm not really good at history but I understand the basic of it XD.
Still, some stupid Malaysians decided to think that freedom in Merdeka is the same as freedom to waste themselves, to be free from all the moral restraints. Merdeka is celebrated by getting wasted with alcohol, drugs and social gathering of nothingness. I dunno, I just hate the youth today, the ones who cant think higher than the basic survival instincts of eating and mating, who followed every single thing the media redeemed as "cool" regardless of the consequences. well, I think everyone knows how this species is.

So, when my 16-year-old sister decided to go out to celebrate Merdeka with a couple of good-for-nothing watsisface and watserface, god, I was pissed off. I was worried till I couldnt sleep. i felt like a protective mother. gave her some talk after she came back, hope she'll change for the better.

why do I hate those idiots so much? its because:
a. they don't have the will to learn, they are too content with what they have, they have no self-motivation to improve themselves (this is where "stay the same" song doesn't work)

b. they are too weak to peer pressure and a slave to the so-called coolness (their definition of cool = hate school, study as little as possible, laugh at people who do nice things or study and call them "geek", destroy your body as much as possible - smoke! drink! drugs! sex!, be stupid, look stupid, feel stupid, eat stupid) kawan mkn taik ko pun mkn taik juak!

c. they follow everything they watch on TV (content same as point above)

there is a thin line between being adventurous and being stupid,
also a thin line between having fun and being stupid.

parents don't let their kids out late at night to prevent from bad things happening to them (self-destruction, rape, fights, murder, etc), not because they are narrow minded or they dont want the kids to have fun or "mengongkong", like we've heard a lot from the stupid people's excuses. even though our parents are from different generation, the human nature hasn't really changed much, only even worse now. parents have been teenagers before, they understand. been there done that!

and I'm not advocating to make TV our enemy, or dont ever watch TV! its just that we have to have some sort of a filter, to sieve through, learn to avoid the bad influence and follow the good ones. just like fashion, what may look good on other people doesnt mean it would look good on you. so, think wisely!

and have the freaking courage to say NO to those pesky peer pressure thingy. i know its hard for most teenagers, thats why i said courage is needed.

or perhaps, stupid people exist to complete the hierarchy of the ecosystem. if there are no losers, there wont be any winners?

anyways, nice guys always finish last. thats kinda like the rule of the world.

another long post from me. I just cant stop myself from talking about those people. Anyways, those are just my honest point of view. I hope I didnt get stupid being caught up in my own thoughts and eliminating other possibilities. If I was wrong, enlighten me.

Together we decrease the incidence of stupidity!!!!

stupid airlines service!

Booking a flight ticket seems to be a freaking pain in the ass!!!
Like, seriously? it dared tempt me in this high pressure situation??! >.<

welcoming ramadhan!! (you dont have to read the long rant XD)

Hai! Ramadhan is here, tomorrow, we're gonna start fasting! yay~

(hopes everything is said correctly XD)

anyway, suddenly just now, I kinda have a homesick episode. Reaaaally miss my family. Its been a while that I've spent a long time with my family. Its always a 1-2 week break (only a year or 2 ago that I had a long end-of-year-holiday) for the past 4 years of college, and the same goes to my school days (though the holidays here were less frequent however longer than my college days).

being away from my family, there are loads of pros and cons. the cons, its always hard, i'm kinda the mummy's girl so I get homesick quite a lot of times, most of the time I have to really struggle to adapt to the environments and all. the pros, mostly bittersweet, learning about new things in the cruel world out there, standing on your own two feet, being under harsh situations without much help from others (is thankful for some supportive friends). they have made me who I am right now, I think.

perhaps, in my future life, I wont want to send my kids to boarding schools. I realized that I've spent too little time with my family, maybe this will stay the same in the future. I dont really like this actually, despite all the benefits it gave me for all this while.

ANYWAYS! the fasting month! it makes me to recall the first time when we moved and settled in Mukah. it was just a small village back then, in 1996, if I'm not mistaken, I was just 10 years old? i kinda love the peacefulness that the village has, no traffic jams, the air is clean, even the now-polluted beach water was clean back then.

what I REALLY hate about that village is the people's mentality. especially the old ladies who were like the self-proclaimed leaders of the village, controlling everything. they're just a bunch of hypocrites, with badmouthing people as hobbies. so, in my young age, I was taught that honor is everything, even when you have to pretend to be nice, humble and friendly to others. If you dont smile to people, you're a bad person, if you compliment your hard work, you're showing off, you know, negative stuff like that. how narrow-minded they were! i also hate their not so funny jokes, mostly about degrading some people. what i couldnt forget till now is when they badmouthed my family really bad just because i wasnt "friendly" (like, as if i was gonna smile at everyone who's walking pass me :P). gosh, how stupid was that? like, a fight against a 10-year-old?so, at the young age, I learned hatred, wrath and vengeance.

oops, sorry, isnt supposed to say all bad things in the fasting month. its just that it brings back memories to me, because at the fasting month when i was a kid, we always went to the surau with my family to perform tarawih, and in the surau, there were those old ladies, and i was taught to pretend to be all smiley and nice to every-freaking-one, basically just doing what they want me to behave, which i really hate to do, thus, even until now, i dread the moment when i have to go to that surau. *what a traumatic childhood XD*

anyways, now that I'm all grown up, like hell am I gonna care about what they think of me. its all their fault for giving me such bad early impressions :P i think they still remain the same though, those old ladies, though some of them has had stroke and has been inactive, despite the developing town. perhaps, their reign of terror is over :P.

so yeah, how nostalgic that feels~ sorry for the soooo long of a post, cant help myself from ranting, revealing those old ugly skeletons i've kept in my closet. exam stress could be the trigger too XD

anyways, finally, HAPPY FASTING TO ALL MUSLIMS~~!! hope we have a blessed Ramadhan this year~ <3

where is my fantasy land?

Reality is SOOO harsh, sometimes I feel like I can't take it! how nice if I could just cast away my responsibilities and run far, far away and be FREE!!

If only life is THAT easy!!!!

current mood: melancholy, stressed, hopeless

the precioussssss ~shiawase, ne~

Yatta! it finally rained~! it started raining yesterday night~ ah~ its like the best feeling EVER!!!!
I even recorded the pre-storm breeze and all. like, seriously!! this is like the biggest happiness i've ever experienced! the first rain is precioussss! SO SO PRECIOUSSSSS, my love~! XD

here is some video of the windy night, my feeling at that time was undescribable!! *this video was taken from our balcony XD*


and then, the rain came. i was delirious with pure bliss. i took a pic of the first rain, the droplets being caught by the flash is just SO beautiful!

today, its still a bit hazy, seems like the haze is too heavy to be washed away by an episode of rain. its gonna take a lot of rain to wash it all away. sometimes the "before rain smell" is taken over the haze smell. well, i'm not complaining though, the rain has been a really marvelous blessing. this morning, i even woke up with a comforter on me! its been a reaaaaally long time that i ever needed one! and the whole day has been so comfy. no more unmerciful glaring heat from the sun. I really love rain!!

only one con is that the night is so cold that the bed is so tempting! its totally not good for our study, especially when the exam is so near! ganbatte minna-san! X3

heat wave

Kuching has been so hazy recently. its been very VERY hot, with haze - meaning hazy vision and the smoke-y smell that i hate so much, *thanks to human and development, we've succeeded in disrupting the ecosystem*. and totally no rain. oh, how i miss rain!

in this hot weather, the pros:
- your laundry dries up fast
- no worries about flooding in our fac

cons
- its HOTyeah, its been really hot! i have to shower more frequently now and i have to change very often from the sweat, so my laundry pile is getting bigger and bigger! and i really hate it when i had to wake up in the middle of a sleep/nap because its too hot and i was sweating too much! its so uncomfortable! really want to have an air conditioner now!!! or a swimming pool or even a bath tub!!! >.<

aah~ the water looks so cool, ne~?? *jealous!!!!*

also, my collection of coats and jackets have been totally ignored. poor them, poor me, i cant show them off, as outerwear is one of my most favorite part of an outfit.

ALSO, i have quite a labile mood. its understandable, ne? like the heat is making me feel so uncomfortable and un-energized, thus making me more fragile. i really get irritated/pissed off/mad/distressed/sad/depressed pretty easily nowadays. i dont wanna frown so much! it'd cause premature wrinkles!

especially when someone said something really stupid beyond my understanding. grr... even thinking of how they think really irritates me! waaay underestimating me, waaaay overestimating them =.= anyways, gotta go back to study now, we're having an exam in 2 weeks. I really hope there will be some rain! amiin~

funny "hot weather" cartoon can be viewed at http://www.cartoonstock.com/directory/h/hot_weather.asp

carnival, cake, costume and cute arashi XD

*sigh* i've been really lazy to update my blog. either I'm busy with something or I'm appreciating my free time so much that I couldn't spend some time with my blog. anyways, like usual, the summary of my week(s).

well, starting with 21st July~ (of course XD)
its my 23rd BIRTHDAY! yay~!! *also coincided with with the day a man first walked on the moon! isnt that SUPER cool!!* anyway, since it fell on Tuesday, and its been really hell of a busy week in the Maternity ward, we decided to celebrate my birthday this weekend.

==and the rest of the weekdays were pretty much the same, spent loads of time in the ward and had gotten bombarded by the "AK-47" specialist *got demotivated and oh-well-couldn't-care-less attitude for a while -hatred for O&G kinda deepened a bit too for a while-*==

then, weekend!! after IDA, the last class we got for the week, my shoulders kinda like slumped with the lifted pressure. finally got to feel free for a little while, gotta enjoy to the max while I could! the friday night, finished watching Arashi no Shukudai-kun, its a talk show that is hosted by a popular Japanese idol band, Arashi, and its really fun and funny! and they're really cute too! *special thanks to Mel, Aimi and Yula, the UNIMAS fanclub of Arashi for supplying me with Arashi stuff XD*
Saturday, went to Jom Heboh, kinda like a carnival where Malaysian artists came and entertain the crowds, and booths selling super cheap stuff (though some are not really that cheap), oh also there is a haunted house, which I stayed far away from XD. the journey there was kinda stressful, with traffic jams, and trouble finding a parking. I parked at the road side and we had to walk a pretty far distance. and when we arrived at the place, it was really crowded. there were smokes from food stalls and the place was filled with 90% of people with no fashion sense (which totally irritated my eyes). my friends bought some Ribena and Munchy's stuff. I didnt buy anything coz they didnt really appeal much to me. saw some TV artists performing/being taken pics with, and a band I didnt know performed. then, made our way through the sea of crowd back to my car. i dont really like crowded places, thus I made a vow not to go to another Jom Heboh ever.
Sunday, went shopping with my bffs, i wanted to buy some groceries and make ups. ended up buying a white dress too *sigh*. i also helped my friends buying stuff for my little costume party! we cooked spaghetti (thanks to chef Amy-sama XD), I made fruit salad, and we served other stuff like assorted chocs, Munchy's biscuits and some soda. oh, and my birthday cake is from Secret Recipe's, Chocolate Strawberry cake! おいしい~~~!!and then, there were loads and loads of photography session XD. cant upload the pics due to cosplayers discretion~ its SO much fun! actually to be honest, I was worried that it'd be too much of a nuisance to everyone, but I'm really touched by everyone's enthusiasts to dress up for my costume party. thanks everyone!

presents! poor little last-year-birthday-teddy looking from afar XD

oh, and got a cute little tote bag that I've been eye-ing for quite a while (thanks, minna-san! honto ni honto ni DAISUKI!!!! X3), a KNITTED teddy!! like its a first time that i've ever received a handmade knitted stuff, its such a good feeling!! like, a super huge appreciation to the knitting effort. no wonder guys love receiving knitted stuff XD. for this, I'll give 60% support for AiNo! (20 to Mel, and 20 to Yula XD) and special from Sarah, a tiara hair accessory~ pretty, ne~? oh last but not least, a tank top from Dilah, sorry I couldnt take the pic, I already put it in the washing machine at this time! XD

so, all in all, its been really fun! thanks everyone for coming to my party and making my dream of hosting a costume event a reality XD. thanks for everything~ suge kimochi~~!

maternity week and my "so-called" parfait

ah, sorry for neglecting you for so long, bloggie-chan! I've been yet again busy and lazy to update this blog. today's the first day that we "officially" start our rotation to the maternity ward, its really huge compared to the gynae ward. anyways, it all started from the ban that our faculty issued due to the preparation the hospital made to accommodate suspected cases of H1N1 infection from the World Rainforest Music Festival that was held here last week. because this even had invited loads of tourists, its really like the petri dish for H1N1 breeding XD. so, all the students were then banned to go to the WRMF, and also the hospital, to minimize the risk of infection. students who had bought the tickets (which cost $90!)had to sell them in lower price to other people who still wanted to go and risked their life for some music festival =.=

so yeah, today we began our maternity rotation, its gonna last for 2 weeks. so far so good, though we heard maternity 1 group has been scolded really hard by the specialist, Dr. Nicholas, it really makes me go "doki doki" everytime i hear the story, it really IS scary!

anyways, the water problem still persists, its really driving us CRAZY! I dont really know whats going on, but they said something about the pump thingy, and like, the college people are waiting for the asset people to allow some funds for the pump repair thingy? *sigh* its really terrible. i'm SO feeling that my rights as a student is breached or something, its unbelievable. no one should suffer the hardship of not having water supply. I'd like to have the peace of mind whenever I turn the tap and not worry if there's water for shower tomorrow morning before class.

とにかく!! going crazy should be avoided!! therefore, we need anti-stress~~ DESSERTS da yo~~
just cause they are the opposite of stressed, ne?

STRESSED=DESSERTS

I got this idea while watching Arashi no Shukudai-kun, where they featured guest stars and delicacies that sometimes makes you go, "omg, that looks so good *drools*" yup, the show has that effect XD. anyways, I created the Kiwi Parfait~

ingredients: Kiwi, Whipped cream (light, to alleviate guilt XD), Hershey's Chocolate Syrup & Cornflakes. hai, dozo~

おいしい~~

it somehow made my day better.
and to my groupmates: みな-さん, がんばる よ~!!

the element of life

Air, Aek, Water, Mizu, Eau, H2O

yes, water is the 2nd most vital element in life after oxygen. life has been hard lately, since there was some pump problem thingy happening in our college hostel. *sigh* the administration keeps on saying they're gonna get someone to fix it. i wonder who the someone is, if the job is really gonna be done, when it is gonna be really fixed?? its been the whole weekend without sufficient water supply! there was some emergency water stored but only for emergency purposes. and yesterday, we had to drive to Sebayor, the sister hostel of our college, just to have shower and all.

As our class is starting tomorrow, I'd really hope that the pump is fixed. So dont wanna get another problem added to my monday blues thingy.

I wish we had this: