My dear marudi

Oh god... I cant believe I havent blogged about this. Moving from miri to marudi is one of a life changing decision I've ever taken. I'm transferring to marudi for work, of course.. Gonna start my first step as a medical officer there. Um...actually, I'm doing pretty okay now since I'm settling in. But here's the drama that I wrote on my diary app thingy..haha

"Its day 5 here in Marudi. I am still a mess. Its the new place, which is a really small town. The houses mostly look old, so when I first saw the town, I felt like I was back in the 80s. The roads are narrow, and people drive at 40km/h at most. At nights you can hear all sorts of crickets and bugs, and when it rains, the frogs and bugs were all out busting an orchestra. I'm staying at a new house. Everyone is new here. I felt the utmost feeling of loneliness. I feel homesick, missing my bestfriends, missing my old home. I started thinking of my previous routines, how i've missed the familiarity and the comfort of something known. Sometimes I feel like I cant do this! This is crap! I started whining, and throwing emotional tantrums. Sometimes I try to cheer myself up with positive thoughts..but its like trying to hold water in your hands. Its gonna take some time till I'm okay, because currently I'm just not okay."

posted from Bloggeroid

*bleep*

me seeing a good friend, X, and the other not so good friend, Mr. Goody.

Me: hey, long time no see.. I miss you, bitch!!
Mr. Goody: omg! I can't BELIEVE you just said THAT!
Me: omg, I totally did it, didn't I? F*ck me, right??

err... I didn't actually say that...coz cursing is baad, horrible, terrible, awful, dreadful, painful, the biggest sin ever! and people who curse are criminals, lowlifers, hiphoppers, hiphoppers wannabe, gangsters wannabe, n00b gamers, wizards...errr...okayyy, thats getting old :P

anyways, I dont mind a couple of swear words. they're just some expressions of anger/frustration/negative feelings. like, mostly people wouldn't actually mean what they're cursing, they're just some words to show that they're upset. But, I do find people who curse all the time and out of context can be really fucking annoying...oops..remember, moderation is the key!

why the drama?

Sometimes you know when you think too much...and you wonder,

I wish I didn't think too much
I wish I'd lived my life simpler
I wish I didn't buy the huge-assed wardrobe and huge-assed king size bed which are pain in the ass to move out of the house.

But, whats life without the drama? At some point, it IS living life simpler, where I didnt put much thought into it and just went with my crazy gut to buy those gianormous furnitures just cause they're pretty. Paradoxically, it has made my life complicated.

Applicable at other aspects of life.

I love you, life. Thanks for everything. Really.

of hopes and dreams

if you're not the boss, you're always controlled by "the man". heck, even bosses have bosses.

I am a free-spirited, why chain me?
I have hopes and dreams, why wont you care?
I have fears and doubts, why wont you listen?

Because changes are scary, they're something new, something foreign, something unfamiliar.
Therefore its scary.
Maybe its a blessing in disguise?
I dunno what to do?
If I stay, is it for me? or for whom?
If I go, is it for me? or do I have anything left, anyone to miss or be missed?

motip aku ala2 berpuisi tgh2 mlm buta tok :P

My job: I love him, I love him not

I love writing in my blog. its the only media I write stuff I really feel like saying... I dont give a damn about people in facebook or twitter. In those areas, I'd resort to passive aggressive comments to people I'm pissed off at. This is different. This is my place, my own, my precioussss :D

My life is quite crazy at the moment. As usual, in Miri Hospital, there arent always enough housemans (or housemen? i really dont know :P). currently there are 4 of us in male medical ward (which is always full to the brim with patients), and 2 of them are first posters. They are learning, we're still learning. I have to wake up at 5am every morning, got to ward around 6am to finish round. And I'm always on call, I basically live in the hospital. Like, my big-sized facial wash is in the ward and I'm using the travel size at home! wth??

Yeah, I complained a lot about my job. I don't want to complain because it's my job..but i need to because I'm a human. Don't get me wrong, I love my job. I've been in this love-hate relationship with my job for so long. and it has made me feel dead, and alive at the same time. It will never get easier, you'll just have to get better.

I've sacrificed my life, my family time, my love life for my patients. Karma, please be good to me :P